Weeding and watering

[Vanilla]

Silent and invisible sounds like a blessing right now.

I understand that although it's all about control. Just a different tactic for the purpose. So it's the same but different.

WH and I have been on good terms because I've been playing along. I made the mistake of thinking perhaps some reasonable co-parenting conversation could happen given the calm few weeks. But no. All it did was provide him with yet another tool to beat me down with.

Can you explain that Msd? Tool to beat you with?How?

Luckily I no longer let myself get beat--because I don't care what he thinks of me anymore.

What you think of you is more important Msd.

But my kids are in the middle. The kids are his last resource to effect me.

Control again. Once he stops concentrating on you it's going to move elsewhere. The kids are the only way to control you that he has left. If you let his actions go, ironically I think he will stop. As long as he has his hostages he will demand his ransom. His mask has dropped. I wish I could help further Msd but my perception and help is limited as I have no children. Schermans sitch is the nearest I can come to. Greengrass has a son although he is much older. I haven't identified an equivalent for you here. I will assist as much as I can.

Part of me realizes that as long as I continue to be his target and his source of narcissistic supply, my kids are safe from becoming the same.

I agree. It's easier though to go grey rock. Children are inferior as narc supply. Sad as it may be, his OW may also be of the same ilk. She will get bored and become the target eventually they will burn each other out.

But they are living in hell.

I might have walked into another trap. He threw another bomb as he was walking away, knowing I was going to defend myself and I did. Honestly he doesn't care about the truth, or what I say, all he cares is that I am talking while he is walking away so that he can claim that I am harrassing him. However, his spin tactics, and his lawyers spin tactics are becoming clear in the courts. I just have to remember that and not let my guard down anymore. I don't have to defend myself to him.

Same tactic as Anc WH or mine. Msd you can't change this man. STOP. And record record record. Every time you have a convo get it on record. If you can stimulate a rant by WH do so.

It is like your WH has a gun with blanks in it, he is testing to see if you fire back. Then he will bring in the forces. It's not real. STFU and record!


I promised myself to be as ethical as possible, even if it feels unfair at the moment. It is really hard to do because my anger often wants me to seek revenge, but I refuse to act on that feeling.

Let go of the resentmenu Msd. It will make things much easier. You will concentrate more to achieve that which you need to achieve.

I would much rather live with the unfair short term events, then have to live with the guilt of trying to screw over the father of my children later.

Msd, my recommendation is to feel that anger, let it out then it will not get to rage. Anger is enormouslying motivating and is not screwing him over. I think you have absorbed his words about what it is you are trying to achieve.

He has his own demons to deal with, and that is not my responsibility.

His sand pit.

I will learn to forgive him for his nastiness--if for no other reason but to free myself of that burden. But he will always have to live with the shame of it. And that shame--I know is the catalyst for all of his nastiness.

You do not have to forgive him. He hasn't asked for forgiveness Msd. This isn't your burden to carry ok?

You could chose to say to yourself until and unless you ask me to forgive you then you are unforgiven. That is between you WH and your higher spirit. Not my job to ask on your behalf, I free myself of that burden. Go WH be as nasty as you want (remember the mirror turns that inwards) ultimately that's between you and your higher power. Not my monkeys, not my circus. You are screwing you. This goes to fresh air not to me.

Any discussion I try to have about the kids' struggle with how things are, he views as an attack against him. That sounds like shame working overtime.

Frankly you are wasting your breath. STOP.

Be a safe haven be the safe secure parent, no matter who sees that, it's for you and your children.

Fight by doing that which is needed legally, put your efforts there. Please don't fight him, the cleverer tactic would seem to be to out manoever rather than go head on.

You are a hobbit rather than a dwarf.

You are clever and loving and full of the higher spirit. Let yourself be the bigger better spirit.


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It's lovely to hear from you.

I am praying for you Msd and the peace in your life.

I struggle sometimes too.

Big hugs

V