TxHubby - No, wayward is no longer contacting OM. At issue is transparency - she feels like I have no right to access her phone or email. That trust and respect for her is something I should naturally have.
You are right and I'm glad that there is no OM. People who think they can DB will an A is active are deluding themselves. Ain't gonna happen. The advice to back off on A's and let them run their course is terrible advice. Why? Because while you're saying nothing, the AP is filling their heads with everything they want to hear and the betrayed spouse is offering no counter-argument.
As far as transparency I'm of the mindset that the ONLY privacy in a marriage is when you're going #2. Other than that there are no private emails, texts, friends, etc.
Being married you're not a "she" and "I". You're a "we". Everything is "we" and "us". If she doesn't understand and respect that then she should never be married and die alone some day. Marriage is a beautiful union of two lives into one. It's the very meaning of the concept of "marriage". You don't keep secrets from each other except about surprise birthday parties or Christmas presents.
My wife and I know everything about each other. We PIN protect our phones, as everyone should but we know each other's PIN and use each other's phones all the time. No secrets. We have only 1 bank account and it's in both our names. Everything is in both our names. That's marriage.
I can't wave a magic wand and make your wife understand that. I really wish I could because I'm a HUGE fan of marriage and love winning out in the end. It's a sh!tty cynical world we live in and so many marriages fail these days. Personally I believe it's because the digital age (which is where I make my living) has produced an entire culture of narcissists and everything is me me me.
Last edited by Cadet; 02/04/1612:38 PM. Reason: start a new thread message
