I dealt with almost a year of similar stuff that you did with husband, before my husband left. I understand how hard it is to deal with someone so irrational and unfair. So yes my husband has only been gone for 7 months, but add about 10 months of someone completely detached and sleeping in the basement to that. I remember him literally exploding in anger because 2 old ladies went ahead of him in Panera, while he was back and looking at the menu. It was really bad. He resented the obligation of having lunch with family because it prevented him from being fully exploited by a company that continues to underpay.
Now, I had read books and knew not to argue. But did not immerse myself with dbing. I was bad about pursuing relationship talks. during that time I went into pursual mode. I remember packing all these lunches and breakfasts for him (because his need was service) coffee to go. Uneaten dinners. I remember not voicing issues that were really unfair to me so that I wouldn't make waves. You have done much better then me but I know what you went through before he left for business.
My H was looking for excuses to leave and I feel like he was intentionally neglecting us because he knew I would eventually call him out on it. Which is what happened. I made nasty comment about him not spending time with kids on Father's Day and to him that was the excuse he needed to leave. ( I dont know if you remember that story. I asked for it to be deleted) The kids did not even know he left, he was around so little.
The only thing that keeps me here is remembering that after kids were born I was pretty bad too. i was sleep deprived and Felt that he was not pulling his weight. I imagine that he was stressed at work and felt like I was not pulling my weight because I was only part time.
There Are 2 big differences though. I never neglected children (babies then) and I never walked away from our marriage. I am still coming to terms with that. He has not apologized for it and feels like he had no choice, which to me demonstrates a lack of remourse and responsiblity.
I have to say. It is only recently that I am not hearing anger and resentment in his voice. There are some changes...I notice he was on time for morning kids obligation and he came over at 1030 for birthday brunch. (Getting out before 2 on weekends was problem for him).
But I get disgusted thinking of how he was this past year and overwhelmed with resentment and Anger.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
