Doing better....Oh wait

[Thornton]

Hmmm.. Tread carefully here.

I'll leave that one to the coaches!

[ARose]

I would wait a little longer, make sure her recent positive behaviors are sustained over time. I would however make the most of all current interactions, make sure you look your best and you radiate a secure, happy attitude.

[otw]

Lol. I know. I wrote it and read it then laughed at myself.


Funny thing is I am speaking to my mother and she says. I need to tell you about a dream. She had a dream W and I were still living apart but I asked her on a date and she said yes. Lol.

I hadn't told her at this point. I just laughed some more.

[otw]

Fo
No question about looking and being awesome. I just got a haircut will have a new outfit and will be very aware of myself listening to her. I will be a blast to be around.

I hadn't planned on this for a bit, but it has been in my mind

[JulieH]

Hi otw

Been trying to catch up on your situation...we both started this at around the same time.

My coach feels like it is time for me to initiate some family outings. She said this because the Minimal contact was only adding distance and we were not getting anywhere. I think she also sensed that I am losing committment to the process. I do understand our situations are different though.

Anyway, DB coach has been stressing that friendship is the necessary step. She advises for me to make friendship the goal. That with a friendship, he will be more committed and that it will "plant seeds of hope". Of course, it is also stressed that I need to avoid pursuing behaviors.

My response was, It is hard for me to want friendship with someone who has acted so selfishly. I don't feel like I am winning back this great prize of a human being. She remarked that "regardless of the outcome you guys are going to be friends because it is necessary for the children".

What has your coach advised?

[otw]

Well I am going to book another call with him. I have a feeling he is going to tell me maybe slow down a bit maybe not. Last time we spoke I told him I was looking to go no contact. I was looking for a way to let go after the holidays. He agreed at that point.

Why can't things be simple!

[vise82]

Hey OTW,

Try to make the best of the interactions you have now as they happen. Seize the moments in the now. From those you can build on the future moments.

Its the expectations that are going to cause trouble if you plan something. Be open to spontaneous plans as opportunity presents its self.

Careful as you don't want to build up in your mind how you see things going only to have it fall like a house of cards.

Also you don't need your W to have fun. Find stuff you like to do on your own. Remember your happiness comes from you, not from your W.

[otw]

Vise
I have an over active mind as many of us. I already made things tumblr and fall apart in my head! Lol

I am not doing anything until the next few interactions play out. Just something that has been in my mind.

As far as needing her for fun, that isn't even on the board. I am doing just fine in that end.

My focus right now is kids, and doing good for myself. I am also planning in these next few interactions to be as positive as possible.

Then let the cards fall where they do.

[pinn]

wow otw... interesting week you have had. Seems like you are maintaining good control of your emotions and expectations. I look forward to hearing how this plays out. Keep it up!

[otw]

Pinn
I am doing my best to control my thoughts and emotions......But i still get lost at times. Take last night, W doesnt call the kids to say goodnight. This has happened plenty of times, but it always gets me spinning. Like who is she with that she cant call her own children?!

I know this is something i can not control and need to let go of and i do, but in the moment it always gets me.

There i s always something to work on in myself.