Spent a ton of time researching today, have my counseling session tonight at 7pm. It looks like this betrayal that the LBS experiences is pretty traumatic in general. Some resources compare it to PTSD and say some EMDR therapy may help. Has anybody used the EMDR therapy? I have no idea if those are the correct order of the initials. Have to see the WW for dog drop off tonight, will try to make it quick and clean.
M 43 W 45 M 10.5 T 15 S 26 D 17 (previous relationships) ILYB 12/25/15 + asks for D Confirm affair 1/10/16 W has D ready to sign, but agrees to wait for refinancing to go through (I get a house!)
Well, wife didn't drop dogs off last night, but dropped the dogs off this morning at 5am on her way to work. She was in a hurry to leave but came over to me and gave me a long deep squeeze hug. I've felt coldness / indifference from her the last two weeks, so wasn't expecting that. I will say that 2 weeks ago I would have been given a ton of false hope from that hug, but have seen too many swings in her heart to think anything of it. I did hug back and she was squeezing hard. Weird. We've just been hi / bye the last couple weeks, so not sure if she was a little foggy from just waking up. Still was nice to hug my wife Counselor is really helping me face reality and move towards acceptance, but says it will take a LOT of time. Been doing a ton of research, seems that I'll need a ton of patience and perseverance, and have to truly get through the grieving. If there were a chance for R after that, not sure if I would want it after my heart has been somewhat mended.
M 43 W 45 M 10.5 T 15 S 26 D 17 (previous relationships) ILYB 12/25/15 + asks for D Confirm affair 1/10/16 W has D ready to sign, but agrees to wait for refinancing to go through (I get a house!)
Many of us have been in your sitch. I relied on my wife for support in tough times. Find others you can lean on - and you will lean on them. Your WW has to notice she's not in the center of your solar system anymore. You might not have a new star to orbit, but you're still doing fine. Finding things to do, to make yourself happy, will be the task.
I've researched the WW to death. I continue to do so, to the detriment of me GAL'ing. I've been known to overthink things in the past...
Keep up with the counselor. You might have a wave of crying come over you, followed the next day with a wave of determination and independence. Just stay on top of the water, don't drown, and enjoy the up times.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
Thank you Thank you Trumpet! So great to have so many in same sitch, gives some sense of comfort knowing so many others with same circumstances. Getting my mountain bikes tuned up, ready for some riding, haven't been in years. Have divorce support group tonight, keeping pretty busy. Yes, I have the waves of crying, and then I feel better. It will all be fine in a few......months? Years? well, it will be fine at some point
M 43 W 45 M 10.5 T 15 S 26 D 17 (previous relationships) ILYB 12/25/15 + asks for D Confirm affair 1/10/16 W has D ready to sign, but agrees to wait for refinancing to go through (I get a house!)
So, still having trouble sleeping, but get 5-6 hours usually with otc sleeping pills. I've been exercising a lot but am getting to a point in my weight-loss where I really need some strength training / more cardio options. I figured if I'm up at 4:30-5am each morning, I can make that time more productive before work if I join a 24 hour gym. So I printed off a 7 day free pass to see how I like it, and it's pretty awesome. There's a large dark cardio room with a projector / movie theater type setting. It's only $10 a month and seems like another productive GAL way to get out of the house. Working at home is probably not making this any easier, but I do enjoy my work from home job.
M 43 W 45 M 10.5 T 15 S 26 D 17 (previous relationships) ILYB 12/25/15 + asks for D Confirm affair 1/10/16 W has D ready to sign, but agrees to wait for refinancing to go through (I get a house!)
Hey Shreeve, I'm just trying to develop my ability to post more here, but thought I'd share with you about sleeping. My doctor recommended I take melatonin. Its pretty cheap and its just a vitamin that your body naturally makes. It has basically no side effects other than making you sleepy. They don't make me sleep for a full 8 hours, usually only around 3 - 4 hours but if I really need sleep I may get up and take another 1 or 2. But usually by that point I can lay there long enough to fall back asleep normally. The other good thing is that I never wake up with any kind of a hangover effect of drowsiness or anything else from taking them.
Anyway...hang in there brother.
Me:41 - LBH in apt W:39 - WW in home Kids:D(15), D(11), S(9) - custody % 58/42 M: 15 yrs - DoS: 10-11-15 (PA confirmed 2-12-16; WW dumped by AP 11-6-15; WW dated 7-8 men in Jan '16 via Match.com)
Just wanted to pop in here real quick, being that I am a therapist who works with an EMDR therapist. Yes, you can experience the same symptoms as PTSD. Trauma is relative to the person and not a set of concrete experiences. If you look up the DSM-V criteria, you could easily go through each symptom and check some or all of them off. I know I suffer(ed) some of them, such as occasionally having flashbacks or anxiety related to specific triggers (currently struggling with Valentine's Day looming over me). And this is in Piecing. It was much worse during my misery stage. EMDR is a great option for those who experience trauma, anxiety, depression, etc as a way to help retrain your brain and process through things differently.
If you aren't already, there's a reason why many here suggest seeing an IC and looking into getting some medication to help stabilize your mood and take the edge off. I didn't and often wish I had.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Good point! I guess I could say "legal wife" - be at least 2 months before we are technically divorced. She hasn't had as much time to deal with the paperwork since she started back to work. Already full on romantic love with OM, so maybe the whole legality of the divorce is taking a back seat for a minute..
M 43 W 45 M 10.5 T 15 S 26 D 17 (previous relationships) ILYB 12/25/15 + asks for D Confirm affair 1/10/16 W has D ready to sign, but agrees to wait for refinancing to go through (I get a house!)
Hey Shreeve, I'm just trying to develop my ability to post more here, but thought I'd share with you about sleeping. My doctor recommended I take melatonin. Its pretty cheap and its just a vitamin that your body naturally makes. It has basically no side effects other than making you sleepy. They don't make me sleep for a full 8 hours, usually only around 3 - 4 hours but if I really need sleep I may get up and take another 1 or 2. But usually by that point I can lay there long enough to fall back asleep normally. The other good thing is that I never wake up with any kind of a hangover effect of drowsiness or anything else from taking them.
Anyway...hang in there brother.
Thank you so much, I am keeping up with the sitches on the boards and trying to post as well. Is Melatonin something I can get otc, like in the vitamin section?
M 43 W 45 M 10.5 T 15 S 26 D 17 (previous relationships) ILYB 12/25/15 + asks for D Confirm affair 1/10/16 W has D ready to sign, but agrees to wait for refinancing to go through (I get a house!)
Counselor is really helping me face reality and move towards acceptance, but says it will take a LOT of time. Been doing a ton of research, seems that I'll need a ton of patience and perseverance, and have to truly get through the grieving. If there were a chance for R after that, not sure if I would want it after my heart has been somewhat mended.