Hope is not a Strategy- It looks done

[ciluzen]

rich,
I, too, am in LRT. It is hard. But it is helping me to not tumble around in the emotional tornado.

I had been living life "AS IF"...as if we were still happily married whenever we interacted. It felt great ...when we interacted. But it left me wanting more and feeling hopeful only to be brought back to the rality of our separation.

Since our intense but non-productive R talks after I was served D papers, I have gone pretty dark. I now behave "AS IF"...as if we are D already. I am not so concerned about pleasing him or offending him. I am focused on me.

Do I still love him and want to save our M? Yes. But I can't control his actions and reactions. MLC? Menopause? Perimenopause? BPD? It doesn't really matter. You can't fix it, so diagnosing it just leads to helplessness and emotional turmoil on your part. All you can do is focus on you and wait it out.