XF ignored my texts last night about our daughter who had hit her head. Okay back up, he asked how they were as she slipped and slammed her head. After i calmed her down and gave her medicine because the bump came on fast, i answered him.
We sent a couple of texts back and forth. My last one asking him if he had any more baby medicine at his as I just gave her the last of what I had. It was 1 minute after hia last text. No answer. So I called. He ignored me.
This morning he started video calling at 7am. I was asleep. He then started texting at 8am. The usual (especially if he thinks my silence means that Im mad)
-hey love..sorry I fell asleep last night (sure)
-hey baby..call me when you get a chance...hope you and the kids have a great day
-great, you're ignoring me. Very mature. I know you probably dont believe me but I fell asleep
I ignored it all and when I did call I was very upbeat (sounding). Hey XF...sorry, I was busy. But what's up!?
We discussed me going to pick up the money he owed me. He gave me his location etc.
A few more video calls that I missed while getting the kids fed and ready.
A few angry texts about how ridiculous I am to still have him blocked. And asking when we would be there.
Called him as we were headed out. He's angry because I won't be there for his lunch hour. His boss has an attitude with them already. Now I'm going to get him in trouble.
As if. His boss is his friend. And even if he is in a mood. All you'd be doing is walking to my car to hand me something. 30 seconds, If that.
I don't say that though. I say... I'm sorry XF. Had you told me he would be there today, of course I would have hurried the kids and made it there for your break time. I will talk to you later.
All of my responses are 180s. I am quick on the trigger when I know he is lying or when he is spewing blame. Today I gave responses that were the exact opposite
He left me a voicemail again on how he hates being blocked but also where am I. Why is it taking so long etc
I pick up next call and he is angry at 1st. You don't realize how it looks when I walk off the job even for a few minutes. I'm the supervisor and I can't do that. Blah blah. If this was my company it'd be different
Me: I'm sorry XF. I'll be there soon. Maybe next time you can just deposit it into my account. What do you think?
Him: (calmer) no babe. I want you to come. I just don't want go hear his sh!t. Im sorry. I don't want you to feel bad. I know it's not easy getting the kids ready. Just let me know when youre here.
I get lost a few times. He gets angry.
Long story slightly less long...
I get there, finally. He says hi to the kids..kisses them and walks away. They start screaming and calling to him. I start crying.
They have taken this S very hard. He knows it because they are off of their schedule and their appetites are hit and miss.
He has seen how ecstatic they get when he does come by so he knows that they miss him. However this is one of the few times he has heard them cry the way I hear them cry. With a longing in the wails.
I drive away crying and trying to calm them down. He calls.
I tell him to please hang up because I am not okay right now. He asks why? So I tell him.
I'm sad that our children are sad. He says he is sorry but had to return to work. I said its fine to work. They're crying because they rarely see you and they got happy for a minute and then you disappeared.
He starts in blaming me. How he would see them more but I can't control my mouth. All I do is argue and bring up the past and thats why he stays away.
I pull over because I'm crying and can't drive and so that the kids wouldn't hear me. I put the music on for them and get out. And I let my pride fall away.
Me: XF..you're right. But I will keep my mouth shut even if I have to tape it shut if you will just visit them more often. I can deal with all of this, except for them being in pain. I know I've told you that I won't beg you to make time for your own children but I take it back. I am BEGGING you. Please XF. Because this is not a one off, they're sad a lot and they act out and I need your help to make this transition easier for them. I am not you and they need you.
Him: i have tried to make time to spend with you and the kids and you chase me out or bitch. I won't keep dealing with that. With your mouth Rain. Im sorry. I won't continue to let you disrespect me.
Me: XF this is NOT about us. It's NOT about me or spending time with me it's about THEM. Please just hang up and do not call back for a while. I need space and I have to get them home. Good bye
3 hours later a Voicemail
-hey hun can you please unblock me?
A few minutes later a text
-babe when are you going to unblock me? Please I hate not being able to call you
Another text. - Hey love. . I just want you to know that I know you don't think that I think about my kids and what they go through. .. But you couldn't be more wrong. .. That's why no matter how much you fought with me I always tried to be around... Unfortunately you never get to see the other side of it.. Cuz it's not you ...If you don't unblock me that's your choice I won't ask again and I won't bother you again.
Then a few video calls that I ignore because I am angry and nothing good would come from picking up. Finally a text telling me that he is going out tonight in case I call and he doesn't hear his phone.
Huge, gigantic trigger for me as that's what he always said when he was going to take ow out. So what do I say?
Patting myself on the back here.
Me (via text): thanks for letting me know. Please be careful and call a cab to get home if you need to. Have fun.
Nope. I do NOT want him to have fun and Yep I totally think he's out with a woman (a girl). But I can do nothing if he is, so I STFU and did a baby 180. I know that he thought he would get an angry call and text. So I 180ed his butt!
Dayum! This is long. Sorry guys. To be continued...
