He loves me he loves me not

[JulieH]

Zues,

The funny part is that coworkers, and friends would describe me as mild mannered with an enormous amount of patience. IRL I am pretty easy going.

I think with husband it's different and I don't know why. Perhaps we really weren't compatible. Perhaps he is more difficult then most, although I would have to be extremely egotistical to think it's all him. Maybe I am high maintenance and have higher expectations from him then anyone else. I don't know.

I think my red hot anger comes from the fact that I am not following my beliefs. If I were, I would have filed the divorce papers long ago. I feel that I am humiliating myself by allowing him to treat me so poorly and not just moving on. What he did is not acceptable to my moral code.

In my family, both extended and immediate there is no such thing as walking away from your marriage. Walking away from kids is unheard of. There has been no cheating (we are so gossipy, if there was it would not have stayed secret) and no one has ever been divorced. They certainly are not a bunch of pollyannas. they can be quite dysfunctional. But no one ever left their families. it is understood that marriage is not always sunshine and rainbows, but you committed to something so you deal with it.

When my husband left us, it involved my family because it was set up so that legally he would have minimal financial obligations. He let them shoulder the financial burden and relied on them to take care of his children.

This completely goes against my core beliefs and values. I am not even saying that he needed to stay with me. But i do feel that one needs to meet their commitments.

He shirked his responsibility. I never in my wildest imagination could have predicted that he would be capable of doing this. And I am angry at him because I held him to higher standards and he failed me. I hold myself to these very same standards.

I read these posts here written by husbands whose wives have left them for other men, neglected their children, squandered their savings. These men are still supporting their wives and pining for them. I criticized my husband for not spending time with kids and for waking up way past noon instead of helping me. I criticized husband for investing in luxury car instead of saving for house. I Am not a domestic person. But I was EXTREMELY loyal to my husband. WAY Beyond what I have observed in other women. I worked and contributed as well. I have a great job and have kept myself in great physical shape. I am angry that this is what I have in return.

I think I am just rambling right now, because it is hard for me to understand why anyone would not be mad in my situation. I read others situations and feel mad for the posters on here as well. And you are right. If there was infidelity that I discovered, I would act even more of a scorned woman. I don't care how ugly it is. I truly do not believe I deserve this treatment. And I keep, trying and trying to make sense of it and come up with all the ways that I am selfish and wrong and to blame myself because I just want to be able to forgive his actions and not become a divorce statistic. I question if I myself have unfair expectations (yes I watched the videos) and I have too much if a sense of entitlement.

But the truth is, his actions are appalling. He has no remourse. He feels entitled And I am in great conflict.