Irish, I'm a silent follower. I have nothing but admiration for your strength and your parenting.
You are asking how their mother can do what she is doing. I might be able to give you some insight to this. My mother had a very long psyche history. She was mentally ill. We never had a good "normal". Mother daughter relationship, she was physically there, yet completely absent. My dad was the one there for me. He left my mom when I was 17. ( still my rock and support, he never " left" me). My mom fell apart went back to drugs, ect. It was bad. She was quite awful to me at times, blaming me for things, resenting me because my dad still loved me, expecting me, as a 19 year old to support and help her. She would tell me she hated me , not talk to me, threaten suicide ( which she eventually succeeded in).
My point is, your W has sunk so far down into a depression she has alienated anything that means anything to her. She is mentally ill. A mother who would do whAt she is doing can only be very very mentally ill.
It is not an excuse. But she just isn't in her right mind. And there really is nothing you or your daughters can do to pull her out of that hole. Lord knows I tried with my mom. My dad tried for the whole marriage. She's going to have to want to help herself.
Even after all the awful stuff, I knew my mom loved me. The best she knew how. I always reminded myself she was sick. She had a real illness which is very difficult to treat.
Hang in there. You are doing such an amazing job, and your daughters will thrive because of it, I promise you that.
