Hello my dear friends, thank you so much for checking on me. I really appreciate it.
I have been super busy and life is moving forward.
Update:
1. Bought a new family car. My boys need to be more independent and with one car it was almost impossible, not saying that I was getting pretty tired driving like a mad lady all the time.
2. Had a meeting with my financial advisor to get my 2015 taxes done. Need a half dozen info and soon have it all done. I need that asap so I can do the Fafsa started for S18 college.
3. S18 finally made up his mind and will join CU music program. Which he has passed the admission process already. We have a meeting tomorrow at the college admission office to go over details and have a college tour just for him. Cool.
4. Have vision and dental appts set up for everyone. Need to schd PCP check ups. S21 has his sleeping tests schedule for tomorrow afternoon where his brain work will be measure, then he will have a machine connected to him to measure his brain patterns when he sleeps. After all this then the doctors will determined what can be done to slow down his brain. His IQ was measure again 176 and they suspect that his brain is not slowing down at night. Go figure, that is a work in progress.
5. Got a step forward in our family business material and we are ready to sent it to prototype phase. Well, we are trying.
6. Have been in my divorce group meetings on sunday night and it's going well. Was surprised on how many folks hold some hope to get back together. Went to some activities, some I did not have the time. But I already have good friends there, including one DB friend. She found me by a sentence I said to her. Wow. That was awesome, and she is awesome too.
7. Went to Zumba class what is always a blast. I like to shake my buddy. Went to a Samba party and met some of my divorce group friends there, also some other friends. It was enjoyable and I danced the whole time. I guess my changes (mainly in my soul) are visible now. Had many people telling me that I am glowing, that I look really nice.
8. Had lots of text exchange w/XH. A. 1/28 - XH was trying to figure it out on logistics to take the boys to Aspen for the XGames. I said it would be fun for them. I also told XH that I will be out of state from 3/4 to 3/6 and asked if he would be in town in case the boys need him. He said his schedule is not final but he will do his best to be here for that weekend.
Later on Thursday I told him I would pick up the kids from school and also asked him for the children expenses for the months of oct, nov, dec. and he said he would give me a check on Friday.
10:45 XH confirmed they would be going to Aspen.
B. Saturday 1/30 - XH sent me a pick from the kids at the games saying they got there and it was snowing. Later, he says?: Of course, they hate it and a smiley face.
I then wrote this, and I don't even know if it was right or wrong, but was me: Of course. Nothing please them and now I know it. I am learning to let go and don't get upset with myself and ruin my day because the brats don't like something. Many times I put them first, got stressed out trying to please all three boys and forgot you. Now I see what a big mistake I did. I still have them, and they still "don't like most stuff". Nothing like life to teach me. Thanks for the pic. Looks like fun. Love the colors. Have a good time for yourself.
XH - I do not take it personally anymore. I am finding it humorous. We will see the Snowboarding Super Pipe finals in 1 hr. Arguably the coolest winter sports event on earth. It will be hard for them to hate on that, but they are very creative.
Later XH - They have a tent with Halo 5 world championship...LIVE. No one wanted to play or even watch until they were completely bored with everything else.. So boring!
Later Me - Oh Gosh, so boring. When they finally get to something cool and fun, like Hallo 5, then it would be better if it was Gears of War or Call of Duty. Go figure. I guess if we just get it as Love, then we can think we are the most loved parents in earth. Do you agree?
Much later - he text me saying that they arrived at the hotel and that the driving conditions were horrible. I just thank him for letting me know and said good night.
Then it was sunday and lots of text about logistics, what I answered I would be in my class when they would get at the house.
They got stuck in traffic and showed up very late, I was home. XH dumped all the boys stuff in a living room. I asked if he was taking the kids dirty clothes to wash, what he answered he wouldn't, like he was surprised. I told him I would do this time but he is supposed to drop off the boys with clean stuff the same way he picked them up. It's not my job to do his job.
Then I went inside and did not care that he was dropping stuff or not. Once they were done, the boys went upstairs and he was by the front door, then I said thank you and good night.
XH just stood there like a wet dog. I asked if everything was OK, which he did not answer. Then I moved closer and asked what was going on. He started crying, not hysterically, just sad and lots of tears. I pulled him in by his jacket and closed the door then asked what was wrong and what have happened, he said it was just life. I then looked him in the eyes and stated more then question: Why did you do this to us XH. Look at us.
XH said: I know, I just don't know what to do.
Cira said: Well, I will live my life the best way I can, and you will live yours. Be happy with your decision, follow your path, be happy with your French girlfriend. He cut me off and said kind of mad that he does not have any girlfriend, that he is alone and that I need to believe him.
Cira said: Well, I believe you can have a good night, see you later. Gave him a big hug, got a very tight hug back. Gave him a kiss on his chick and got one on mine. I closed the door right away.
Then on Monday, I got this devilish feeling and sent him a text with a little yellow duck holding a note: Hope you feel better! and wrote under it... Hey XH - Good Colorado Snowy Monday! Hope you are feeling better today!
To which he answered: Thanks for the kind words.
Then yesterday I got his February schedule with the kids for the second time and again it say: 2/7 - Super Bowl?
Yeah, he wants to be invited to watch the super bowl at my house. And I am not very sure about that. There is part of me that does not really care because I am not too attached to material values. But there is a part of me that is getting it... XH does not want to come back and I think he won't ever comeback, so why to play family when you want to get rid of me as you did? Maybe, just go see the game by yourself. At least he won't need to endure my presence.
And you all will say: there comes her rejection issue. She rather run away then face it and try to be the best she can be and show him the new power puff girl in the block.
Ahhg - Any advice on this bowl game? I will be coming back from my Divorce group anyway.
So, this is my update of major stuff. Lots of small things in between. One thing has been changing again. I am getting very hopeless about XH. I think he made his mind and is done forever.
It's hard to see things that way, but it is a reality for about 50% of the USA married population. Or maybe, I am finally getting to detachment, what I always tough would be impossible.
I don't know. Still hurts, but like grief now.
Love you all and hope you are all doing some crazy adventures.
