I started to write this yesterday but worried about coming across as non-supportive when you've already been through so much lately, however...I concur with MB and NYGal. It's so easy to mind read and make negative assumptions as to what is motivating his behavior, but you never know... What if he took all the recent conversations to heart and was truly motivated to try to change some of these things you've always asked for? How would you recognize a genuine effort at change without at least being open to the possibility instead of assuming the worst? We *have* to believe in the possibility of change for BOTH partners if we are to have any hope at rebuilding our broken relationships. Otherwise, it just doesn't work. I know transparency and total commitment are the big things you're seeking from him, and he hasn't been able to offer those to you yet. But just because he can't offer those today doesn't mean he never will, or that all other efforts are fake or meaningless. Baby steps.
Either way, it sounds like you handled the talk well, and I think it would be an awesome 180 to continue to build him up and encourage him all the way. You have set your boundaries...R talk is off the table until he can provide total commitment and transparency. But that doesn't mean you can't be a cheerleader and support all his other endeavors to change. Make him WANT to be a better man for you.
One of things I picked up from my own sitch is how our expectations of an individual influence the outcome. As I have mentioned before, my H tried really hard after his A was uncovered to really make amends. But the level of deception he'd engaged in to cover it up in the first place still made it really difficult for me to trust him. As he grew more and more resentful of the fact he was making all these efforts for me and I still couldn't give him full trust, he started to say things like, "what difference does it make...I might as well be doing all these bad things because you think I am, anyway." And slowly, he quit trying, and eventually walked away entirely. If you have negative expectations of someone, they are going to give you what you expect. By the same token, people can often become more trustworthy simply by being trusted.
