Taxes..file separated or together? I know he wants to pay off his car with the income taxes so he can help pay daycare before he made the big D decision BUT now with him wanting to divorce its so he has more income to pay for child support. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. Filing together we get 7000$ while separated its 1200$ each. Advice anyone?!
I lied, separated I get 0$ het gets 1200$. I guess I will just file married and let it go because either way looks like id get nothing. I like your advice, dont let the prospect of divorce make that decision. Later on if we do the lawyers can figure it out.
Yes! I keep reminding myself, I don't want the D - so it's only my responsibility to prepare for it, but that doesn't mean I need to "help" him with it. My H told me last night he didn't want me to drag my feet on it because he will be away for 6 months...UMMM...sorry buddy, I'm not helping you with that. I just told him I would be putting D4 in school and I would be doing "something". It's seriously chess right now. Keep your cards close to your chest, be prepared for the worst but don't work for what you don't want regardless.
Would that help that you have been married and everything is shared during the year of 2015?
If it still does not help to make your mind about filling, then think about your children. How would then benefit for having their parents get a little more return?
Look at this as business, it does not matter if he will benefit from it or not. Half of all this is yours by right, so think about your return in this. You are a stay home mom, so your work address is your home address, got it!!!
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Besides, who wrote in stone that you will get divorced? He asked for it...but did not served you yet. He said he needs a separation to think about things, so you are giving him his desired space so he can put his thoughts in order.
Meanwhile, you will do your best to get yourself sometime to think about things that are related to yourself. Some things you will find out you love and decide to keep it, some you will hate and wants a total redo, some you are not certain yet, so you will go after some info and make your mind up when you are ready for it.
I read your response and I am sorry things went so bad lately. But hope is the last to die and people do change their minds very often. Your H had a boiling brain, but it will cool off soon and he will settle and start seeing things in another perspective. Besides, I do think that there was something fishy about it. You smelled it for a reason. But, who knows, maybe it is nothing.
Another suggestion is that if you have health insurance from your H, then start looking into some IC for yourself. It will help you to get some solid ground under your feet. You need to gather support now. It is very important so you don't go crazy. If he moves forward with the D, once it is done, you will need to get your own health insurance. If you look for an IC now, you have some months, a year or longer to get some well deserved help from a professional. Plus, he will see that you are serious about changing, that you were depressed about being a SHM, talking Dora de Explorer all the time. It may be even positive.
And I know about crazy, I think I had it in all levels. Now I have at a few levels, LOL.
Also, do you have a bank # 2 - the one only know about and no one will ever find it? If not, think about putting some money aside. A little at a time, so he does not suspect you are building some cash on the side.
This is not really robbing him, it is protecting yourself. Since you do not work, your income is only from him and you do not have access to bank account, so start today.
Roar, I agree I plan on being the same..not really dragging my feet but I won't go out of my way to help.
Pink,
That makes sense, think of it as business.
I still think it is fishy as well, but I have to let it go. I still kinda obsess over it and wonder but I have no way of knowing. As far as all his best friends, parents, he tells me. There is no one else, he talks to no other girls, and all he does at work is mention and talk about me still. I am really praying that it is true.
Yes, he has me on his insurance. It is very good insurance. He upgraded everything in December after we separated. I was surprised he got vision since I am the only one with eye problems. I should take advantage of it since it gives me a year of free contacts! I will look in a IC. I have had a few people tell me that I might have been depressed as a SAHM and maybe I was/am and didn't even realize it.
I have started putting money away on the side. I have it in cash so that way it isn't traceable in case of a divorce, I don't want anyone to know. I have around 500$ right now in emergency funds.
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He is being a jerk today. He asked me a question in a text I said I wasn't sure it was a or b. He was like really it's not that hard. He wants to know about his w2 and I honestly don't know how to answer the question. I think I am reading to much into it but now I am upset that he thinks I am an idiot who can't answer a simple question.
Keep it cool, let it go. Search the net for answers if you don't know them. Just do not go straight to his bait.
First, he needs to justify being a Jerk. Second, he needs to behave like one and say these things to you, just to bother you. Third, expect he will act like a Jerk, sound like a Jerk, talk and even walk like a Jerk, because right now he is a complete Jerk.
Just try to ignore his Jerkiness for now and he may stop since it does not work on you.
If you can not deal with it right now, then you can say: "I can mail it to you or you can pick it up next time you see the kids". His request, his problem.
He does not tell you what to do, he is not your father, he does not criticize you period, he is not and will not pull anymore strings on you. You are not his toy, you are a human being.
Also, do you have a bank # 2 - the one only know about and no one will ever find it? If not, think about putting some money aside. A little at a time, so he does not suspect you are building some cash on the side.
This is not really robbing him, it is protecting yourself. Since you do not work, your income is only from him and you do not have access to bank account, so start today.
I definitely agree with this - I am doing cash, just getting a little back here and there as a just in case. I didn't want to open any actual accounts though, simply for the fact that it's easier to have a little cash on hand than it is a card that he'll likely find and ask about or what not. It's definitely under the umbrella of PROTECTION, especially as SAHMs.
Thank you.I read what you wrote a few hours ago but just now able to sit down and relax and talk.
I took it as hiw request, his problem like you said and just ended the conversation.I let it go!! I wanted to say something SO BAD but that would be the old me.BUT I just ignored him.
I then decided I needed a break and to get out of my house. I packed up my kids, my dog, and left to go spend the night at my moms. Give the kids time with her and just B.R.E.A.T.H.E.
I HAPPENED to pass him on the way to my moms so I was 50% sure he was headed to my house. 15 minutes later He called me from our house phone wondering where I was with the pets and kids in the middle of the afternoon.
He said he felt bad that he was grumpy earlier and brought us all milkshakes and I wasn't home. I was polite and said well, you never called and let me know you were coming over. I'm across town now and will be gone for the night. You need to start telling me when you would like to visit so we can coordinate our plans. He was like yeah,I know I just like surprising you and visiting. Im going to stay for a few hours and playmy ps4 and eat a snack. (Thats fine with me, he pays the bills and buys the food and I'm not there so whatever.)
He wanted to know where I was going, who with, what time id be back tomorrow. I was good! I was upbeat, mysterious. I said I'm not sure. I just know I'm not going to sit at home and feel sorry for myself. I'm going to get out and start doing things that make me happy and that I would see him tomorrow. He was like wait, what, dont hang up, why are you getting off the phone?
He wanted to give me the details of his night out, what,who, when, why he came over to my house early. He wouldnt stop talking. It was different.
I was always scared if I was FIRM AND STOOD UP for myself and HAD BOUNDARIES AND 100% really did it FOR ME that he would flip out or make things worse.
Actually made ME FEEL GREAT and I got to know everything I wanted without asking a single question. Plus an apology. I like this.
Im not actually going out tonight. Im going to snuggle my mom and kids and watch movies. We went to the mall, got new Victoria secret panties, took the kids to dinner and now chilling until bed time. I will say my day was 90% good with 10% frustration and annoyedness.
