Day by Day..Hour by Hour 4

[NYGal]

Rain, I think I agree with MB. If only because it would be a 180 to open the door just a bit to trusting him. I don't mean trust him if he's not trustworthy (and he may not be). But if he's trying, and you accept it in baby steps, he's more motivated to keep trying. It sounds like he's doing a 180 for you. What's the worst that can happen? Only you can answer that, but I have some ideas, and it involves you getting hurt all over again. That's your decision, of course. It's not fun to be so vulnerable, I know.

On January 2nd, the last real time I spent with W, we had a good R talk, she made lunch for us both (very unusual) and cleaned up most of the dishes as well (a 180 for her). I thanked her for doing that, and I meant it. When she left the house that day, she was still uncertain about leaving me or not. At least that's what she said. But the next day she said her decision was "final". I don't think it had anything to do with her making lunch of course, but i don't think my thanking her hurt either.

Except for the time I followed her across campus arguing about a financial settlement, I've been pretty even tempered and nice to her, as she has to me. So I don't know if it's helping or if she just sees me as "just a friend" in the future. I believe, from our conversation last week that she's still trying to figure it out. What she doesn't know is that I don't think I can ever be just her friend.

What I've tried to do, with everyone's help here, is give her the space and time alone she has asked for. And then she says she misses me and realizes all I did for us as a couple. So maybe it's working, maybe not. Again, I don't think it's hurting.

And of course like MB,I wonder how long this dimming can go. I want to figure out when it's OK to spend some time with W, but for now I'm still waiting for her to make the first move.

Thinking of you...