W reiterated that W doesn't love me, that she still has feelings for OM, but NC is in effect. W cannot forgive me for the porn and 'crap' I put her thru for 15 years. I have forgiven wife, but have a hard time with hurt and resentment. W feels that because I'm still hurt that I have not completely forgiven her.
And she doesn't see the double standard in her not forgiving you but she doesn't like it if she thinks you have not completely forgiven her!
Does the Pastor know that you had sex 15 times in 14 years? I think it is important he know, if he is going to counsel with you both.
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If I choose to want complete Reconciliation, I'm going to have to acknowledge to my W that what I did was just as bad as what she has done. That's really difficult for me - my heart was never with the computer, but to my W, my heart was never with her. Her heart is still with OM.
Is that what your Pastor said?
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Every day this goes on, I feel like I'm trapped. Trapped in a doomed marriage to a woman incapable of expressing the love I need and want. To a woman who really resents me with every fiber of her being, to the point she gets physically upset being around me and has to leave the room.
She is just too resentful right now. She has all these feelings for the OM, and she has all this anger toward you. If she can maintain NC until she gets through the withdrawals, then she will be in better shape to make progress. Right now, she sees you as being self-righteous and claiming your sin is not as bad as hers. She feels it is unfair to request transparency from her, and may resent the fact that none was required from you during your porn days.
I know what she's experiencing. It doesn't mean she's right or wrong, I just know how she feels. It is hell for both of you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
