Extremely confused

[keefa]

I am trying. I am running most days, I am trying to eat well but I seem to just eat rubbish when I can. I am trying hard at work, am going out each week with friends, am building a race car in my garage at home. I meet with a therapist once a week. I lose myself in doing my washing, household chores. I listen to music, I try and get to bed reasonably early. I spend as much quality time with my boys as I can. My eldest is now saying ' you look sad Daddy, cheer up' In short, I am doing all I can to GAL but i feel exhausted doing it. I just want to crawl in to bed and wake up in 2 years time. I toy with the idea of running away, I am usually the kind of person that stops by the side of the road if someone has broken down. But it gets you no where. you still lose everything anyway. for the first time I can remember, I feel like a negative person. Its been 7 months for me now. GAL is a continuous effort. The pain just does not let up. everyday there is something fresh to dig deep. I have never felt sorry for myself. Ever. I feel uncomfortable venting on here. When does it change ? 7 months and it feels as raw now as when I discovered her affair. she doesn't care, she is cold, emotionless and even her coughing in the other room irritates me. She is a familiar stranger. I don't know her. I want my wife back but nothing I do seems to have had the slightest impact. hopless is a word I would chose. I can't move on because I want my wife back so much it physically hurts.