do nothing or what

[roist]

Wow. Thank you for a fresh perspective and the little 2x4 to rattle me. I have four previous threads that I had removed as a precaution and also to change my focus. So I understand you have limited info but you have the best insight she has ever given me in all of this. And it has been a year since we had any sort of R talk.

I don't have the time now to rewrite a summary of our story. But the big lines of it are. I met my W when she was an exchange student over 20 years ago. She stayed a further 8 years with me before we mov?d back to her country, where we eventually got married and had two sons. Things have been gradually declining the last four yea s or so. I became depressed without knowing why but my IC believes it is mostly related to my M.I was stressed about our R but incapable to react due to depression.when my dad died a year and a half ago I realised I couldn't go on like this. So I hot treatment for my depression. I was finally willing and able to talk about anything and everything, an issue she had had all along. But this did this no longer seemed something she wanted from me.

She was closed off emotionally to me. Her inappropriate friend was present and one night she exchanged loads of texts with him. I blew up and left.For 15 minutes. It was all the time I needed to decide that I wanted to save my M. That is when I went into overdrive and made all the rookie mistakes.

Sometimes there seemed to be slight progress. And things did seem to be improving. Until two days before we went on holidays.TThe holidays were like she was there with her kids and I with mine. Things plateaued off then. No worse no better.

My other threads speak a lot about me coping or not with the limbo.With the mixed signs. With her not taking action one way or another.

You are right about this inappropriate friend. I have had the time to study this and I have studied it closely.V closely.Too closely. I genuinely believe to him she is just a friend. As he has been a preoccupation of mine I believe that although they have not depassed the limits of friends I have not had reason to REact . That being said last summer I set a boundary that I would not be in a R with her if there was any other R. I will stick to that. Cadet said this guy is just a pawn and not my focus. I could write for days about that but I am sure nothing has happened between them. Yes that could change.

Have taken loads of actions and 180s of my behaviour.Before I was depressed, grumpy, distant, hostile. I was always present with my kids but not fully present. I am none of that now and still working on improving.There are loads of little actions, too many to number.

I will restudy this. Thanks for reminder.

I totally agree with you about the friend zone, but I meant it just for the improvement in communication so not to push. I already have intended the not being friends if we separate/divorce. I honestly have suffered so long now,that I think that once/if it reaches the point where it affects them directly I will be hard to convince to let her back.

One of my struggles has been to know which path to follow in my interactions.

Hope that helps and if you want anything more specific please don't hesitate to ask me.