Ghostbusting Round 5 Detaching my feelings

[Sotto]

Hi ATP, I still don't think you're getting this. For me, it isn't a case of you pushing things towards a D, or truly moving on. Those things would be closing the door on possible future R, and I don't believe that is what you want.

I think the shift that needs to happen is one of accepting where things are just now and working with the reality of the situation. And making the best of that situation - even though it was unasked for. I think it is about letting go of the fear of losing your M, and the fear of living alone. It is about thinking - this is where I am now - it's not where I wanted to be, but everything happens for a reason and I need to move forward as best I can.

I think it is about respecting your W's decision and understanding 'it takes two' to make a R and she is 'out' just now. I think if you can truly accept your W's choice, you will lose the reactiveness and that is important. Do you notice that when she tells you something you don't like, you start stuffing a bin bag full of stuff?

None of the above means that you close the door on a possible R - but it does mean looking at your life and working out how to rebuild it in the event that you do S. For me, that means engaging in (not resisting) the mediation process and taking any steps needed to get yourself and the kids into a comfortable and secure situation. It means acting from an 'adult' (logical, reasonable, aware) and not a 'child' (fearful, needy, reactive) place.

I hope this helps a little & take care