He loves me he loves me not

[JulieH]

I just read somewhere that " feelings are just feelings and they change". I understand I don't always have this feeling. But I frequently do. It is hard for me to get over the abandonment.

Dropping the rope would not be hard for me. After he told me he did not want to move on, it was dropped and I was moving on. Yes he was villified, but that helped me and I had no other choice as he did not want to reconcile. It's when he told me he wants to give reconciliation a try that I have become very confused because he is making minimal effort.

His stonewalling is truly detestable to me. It makes me wish for him to greatly suffer. It makes me want to end this. There is nothing more painful to me then the way he is handling this.

What I truly want to say and am considering it is being upright and saying..."if you truly want reconciliation to work, you need to understand that the less talking, calling, lack of effort on your behalf is only adding distance for me. It hurts me and makes me not care about reconciling. I am very close to moving on. I would rather be divorced then in limbo".

Yes it's a.ultimatum. I won't resort to this, but the truth is I am so capable of villifying him that mentally it won't be too hard to move on. He left us and I will never forget this.

I am going to call and strike up friendly conversation and hopefully my mood will change.