Extremely confused

[keefa]

I am laying awake counting the hours now before my soon to be ex wife makes it my soon to be ex family. This feels so surreal. Like a dream i cannot wake from. I am utterly alone right now, I have no family close. I do not feel strong. I do not feel able to continue divorce busting. She is moving out this weekend, taking the furniture, tv's, my boys, my family, my security, my hopes and my dreams, my life.
Nothing I have done seems to pave any way to reconciliation. Self preservation is the best I feel I can hope for. Shallow cliches are all I here. It will get better. Things will change. Unless this can be unmade in my head it will never change.
I feel like I am a spectator of my own life. Watching helplessly as it goes in a direction I don't want. I over eat. I starve. I miss sleep till exhaustion kicks me down. I read the book over and over until it becomes a blur in my head.
I'm seeing a counsiler but it's basically ' it's happening get used to it.'
Nothing in life can prepare a man to loose so much in this way.
I don't want to cope. I don't want to 'feel better' I don't want to just survive.
I want my life back. It feels useless. Just empty and useless doing all this.
She's moving out and I can't 'feel' anything from her. Nothing. I might as well be dead to her. I guess I already am. I cannot find strength anywhere.
I feel guilty I am not strong for my boys. But they will never see a broken Daddy.
I don't know what to think.
I don't know what to do