Anyone find getting into something like kickboxing helped their process? If I cancel my gym and massage subscriptions, that would be the same amount of payment per month, and give me a way to get through my anger. I only have one Adirondack chair left to smash. (See previous comments)
Buttercup
Me 50 H 51 M 17 T 20 D16 H EA Feb 2014 BD Sept 2015 H moved out Nov 2015 W Filed D papers Mar 2016
Mentally, meditation helped me tremendously. Physically, I just used our elliptical exercise machine. I went to an anger management counselor who showed me the key to controlling anger is mindfulness. Mindfulness is taught in meditation. In the long run meditation would be the most effective way to overcome anger issues. I'm sure kickboxing is great physical exercise. Just saying, good luck
Meditated this morning. Down all day. Fatigued. A stay at home day after a full weekend.
I don't feel up to grocery shopping on a Sunday. Quite hate it.
Told child she needs to get something for her dad's birthday. She's dragging her feet. SO not interested.I have encouraged her because I think she should celebrate with him. She wants to, and she doesn't want to.
He's ignored her all weekend. Will blame it on his work schedule. Guaranteed he's not sitting at home, brooding.
Buttercup
Me 50 H 51 M 17 T 20 D16 H EA Feb 2014 BD Sept 2015 H moved out Nov 2015 W Filed D papers Mar 2016
So D asks if her dad is in A. She overheard me talking to a friend we know in very similar sitch with a child the same age. My IC suggested I tell her to ask her dad if the question ever came upon and that's what I replied. Then D confesses she went on my computer and saw that I had written A "confirmed ".
He would eventually have to deal with the fact that his behavior is responsible for why D no longer idolizes him or maybe even no longer respects him.
I'm spinning. I'm both parents. He's more and more acting like a Disney dad.
Buttercup
Me 50 H 51 M 17 T 20 D16 H EA Feb 2014 BD Sept 2015 H moved out Nov 2015 W Filed D papers Mar 2016
I know how you feel. I'm in the same situation as you as STBXH is acting like a Disney dad. It's hard as we have to be the good/ bad cop at the sane time. In the end it'll all work out, since my separation I have never received so much kisses/ cuddles from kids. Their dad isn't getting that as in the end they are missing it, and unfortunately they won't be able to get back the full time they could have had if they hadn't made an unwise decision.
I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I know it must be very VERY hard on your D as well as you. My dad had multiple affairs and even 2 kids while married to my mother. I know at her age mine had already divorced (they divorced when I was 13) but I know the pain and she feels. I would go through cycles of hating-loving him at that age. I would want to spend time with him but then knowing how bad he was hurting my mom made me hurt and want to go home. I think its good you want her to do something for his birthday but I wouldnt force it.
Just know that she will truely love and look up to you as being there for her. I know my mom is my rock as I'm going through this and we are very close because of what she went through with my dad.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.