So yesterday on the advice of Sotto xx ...... I contacted the Divorce Recovery Workshop group closest to my location.
I had a lovely chat with one organiser and signed up for the 6 weekly course in April. The organiser do this work totally voluntary and without profit even though they are in their late 60's. It's aimed at people who have zero chance of R - which is pretty much my sitch now.
Also I signed up to a private Facebook group called the Single Parent Travel Club, which is based in the UK, and is aimed at putting single parent in contact with each other to go on holiday together. It's not a dating site, but aims to reduce holiday costs with group discounts and also it can be a bit soul destroying going on holiday as a single parent and being surrounded by 'happy' families.
Sotto,Huddy,Bex, Inpain, NDY, - I would take a look. It's on FB and no one else can see your posts, the club has about 2000 members.
Lastly my GAL list of activities and things to do with my boys which don't involve a TV or video games has grown to 42 - I will post the list once I get to 100 Some activities on the list we would do more than once i.e. Going bowling or the movies but that's ok - we enjoy it!
That will keep the boys happy and me busy for a year or two!
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
I'd be hesitant to mention the cocaine if you think it's likely it was a one off. Just keep your eyes open and keep your L informed.
My XW had a crazy year where she was off the rails. In the end she stabilized and things are going smoothly now. WW's go through a party faze like girls going off to college and sometimes go too far. Let her correct her behavior.
Still document and tell your L, and if IC/L think your children are in danger then act. But if it's just you not being sure, get IC/L and don't hit a button that could destroy careers and co-parenting relationships just to want validation that you are the 'good' one.
I like the idea of a list of things with the kids, and of no TV. That's a big challenge for kids, let me know how that goes!
We have different views on dating. I understand the concept of not having as much time left to form a new relationship, to me that means you don't have time to waste on a rebound. I also don't think you're done because you're not divorced. DB road is a long one as you know. Your signature shows she walked 3 months ago...but this was also after a few years of her being back and forth. Maybe you're tired of this roller coaster. Frankly it seems like a year or two to walk the earth and get rid of that crap would do you good. If WAW came back and TRULY pulled herself together that would be cool, if not no big deal. But I think it would be good for you, and for the chance at your M.
But you already know that's how I feel. I respect your journey and certainly don't think less of you. You've been through the mill and your WW has left, filed, and had an affair, so there is no tie to her either.
Take care.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I'd be hesitant to mention the cocaine if you think it's likely it was a one off. Just keep your eyes open and keep your L informed.
My XW had a crazy year where she was off the rails. In the end she stabilized and things are going smoothly now. WW's go through a party faze like girls going off to college and sometimes go too far. Let her correct her behavior.
Still document and tell your L, and if IC/L think your children are in danger then act. But if it's just you not being sure, get IC/L and don't hit a button that could destroy careers and co-parenting relationships just to want validation that you are the 'good' one.
I like the idea of a list of things with the kids, and of no TV. That's a big challenge for kids, let me know how that goes!
We have different views on dating. I understand the concept of not having as much time left to form a new relationship, to me that means you don't have time to waste on a rebound. I also don't think you're done because you're not divorced. DB road is a long one as you know. Your signature shows she walked 3 months ago...but this was also after a few years of her being back and forth. Maybe you're tired of this roller coaster. Frankly it seems like a year or two to walk the earth and get rid of that crap would do you good. If WAW came back and TRULY pulled herself together that would be cool, if not no big deal. But I think it would be good for you, and for the chance at your M.
But you already know that's how I feel. I respect your journey and certainly don't think less of you. You've been through the mill and your WW has left, filed, and had an affair, so there is no tie to her either.
Take care.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Hi Isit, good for you! When I first spoke to the organiser of my local group, I told her I would try and save the M if my H wanted to, but as of now he was moving forward with D. She said that was absolutely fine.
Sounds like you're doing well, despite recent developments & that's the main thing.
Take care x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I'd be hesitant to mention the cocaine if you think it's likely it was a one off. Just keep your eyes open and keep your L informed.
My XW had a crazy year where she was off the rails. In the end she stabilized and things are going smoothly now. WW's go through a party faze like girls going off to college and sometimes go too far. Let her correct her behavior.
Still document and tell your L, and if IC/L think your children are in danger then act. But if it's just you not being sure, get IC/L and don't hit a button that could destroy careers and co-parenting relationships just to want validation that you are the 'good' one.
Exactly what I intend to do plus ask her directly to promise never to bring that stuff into the house with our children in it. Plus I want to make the point that I am disappointed that her so-called friends could give her the stuff in the first place knowing her extremely fragile and vulnerable state. Then I drop it never to mention again.
Quote:
I like the idea of a list of things with the kids, and of no TV. That's a big challenge for kids, let me know how that goes
! The hard part is getting the kids off iPads and video games - they don't watch that much TV - the list is up to 57 now.
Quote:
We have different views on dating. I understand the concept of not having as much time left to form a new relationship, to me that means you don't have time to waste on a rebound. I also don't think you're done because you're not divorced. DB road is a long one as you know. Your signature shows she walked 3 months ago...but this was also after a few years of her being back and forth. Maybe you're tired of this roller coaster. Frankly it seems like a year or two to walk the earth and get rid of that crap would do you good. If WAW came back and TRULY pulled herself together that would be cool, if not no big deal. But I think it would be good for you, and for the chance at your M.
But you already know that's how I feel. I respect your journey and certainly don't think less of you. You've been through the mill and your WW has left, filed, and had an affair, so there is no tie to her either.
Just a short correction - W has never had an affair she is a WAW - but I have to leave - she will buy me out of our mortgage as she earns a40% more than me. Zeus I respect your opinion as well and know that more pain is coming my way, serving full D papers, negioiating a financial settlement, dividing possessions, moving out, the first weekend without the kids, months of pain.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Sotto - the organiser seemed such a kind and loving person on the phone - I was almost in tears!
She enquired as to how I had heard of the DRW - I replied via this forum and I had read the work of MWD.
She was surprised, as I was her first 'client' in over 200 that had read DR and seen MWD videos and Ted talks. She had recommended DR to many clients and also the LL book and wished the LL book could be a compulsory wedding gift for newlyweds and that DR be given at the 5th wedding anniversary!
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Sotto - we need to GAL together then! Just like Huddy and NDY! :))
Might see you on a dating site in the future lol! X
Another clue: the workshop is in a Baptist Church ...
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
That sounds like it - in SC? Previous participants are invited to come along and make drinks for future workshops, so I may well be doing that at some point. Also, there is a social scene following the workshop which is good. My cohort went out for a drink last week, and some went Karting this week (I couldn't make that one) and then there's a walk and a meal coming up. I'm sure you won't regret doing the workshop - though it does bring issues and feelings to the surface - which isn't easy, but needs to happen I think.
Have a good day
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Morning Sotto! - yes in SC. I live due North of SC in a small cathedral city
D&H are passing on the reins to a younger couple so I might not meet H which would be a shame. The younger couple met at the DRW and are now married which is lovely story.
It sounds like the men get a good deal 3/4 men to 15-20 women in each cohort. I want to meet new people ( not just women!) who are not in mine and W's circle of friends.
Looking at W and I FB friends we have 72 mutual friends and I think I will lose quite a few when D happens.
Yesterday W and I emailed re future Easter/summer holiday plans for the boys and W said she would be going camping with the boys in May. This is camp for 8/9 families that we have known for 10/11 years as most of us met during the National Childbirth Trust when W was pregnant with S11.
Obviously we will have separated by then and W will go without me. This is a camp for happy families 18 adults and 23 odd kids. A fun,fun weekend. This planning makes the pain very real.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
