The last few days has left me feeling very despondent about my situation and where it's heading.
Sunday H was a no show again, despite telling the kids he'd be round here all day. I let S11 call him at 6:30pm to ask if he was coming and H told him he would text me soon. 7:45pm he texts me to say he's not coming as he felt ill, sorry. So, the kids went to bed upset again.
Monday he was here bright and early to take D to school and was his usual chatty self while I dashed around doing the whole morning routine. He also picked D up from school so was there when I got home from work. D has an activity on a Monday evening so I dashed around between taking her, picking her up and cooking tea. H just sat around looking at his phone and didn't even offer to help in any way. S asked him to stay for tea, which he did and then left immediately after. A few hours later he text me to let me know the tea had given him heartburn! I text back to say sorry about that and he replied again saying he hoped I slept well. I thought maybe this was a baby step.
Today he came round at around 6:30pm just as I was serving tea. We almost argued as he sat telling S he couldn't have a dessert as he hadn't finished his tea, even though I'd allowed D to have one when she hadn't finished (she'd eaten enough for me to feel she could have a dessert and so had S). I really had to bite my tongue and I really thought things might blow up. H looked so annoyed and kept throwing S filthy looks about it. H came upstairs with us at the kid's bedtime and sat while I was reading a story to D. In the middle of it he said, "I'm going to get going IP darling." My heart leaped. He called me darling! He hasn't done that since he left. A baby step? But now I'm telling myself to not be so ridiculous, it was most likely a slip of the tongue from familiarity at calling me that for 19 years. He kissed the kids goodbye as I carried on reading and D pointed to me and motioned to him to give me a kiss too. It was so awkward. I pretended I hadn't noticed her doing it but she kept on with it and I saw H do a little shake of his head no. Who am I kidding? He comes round to see them, not me, if we didn't have kids I wouldn't have seen him for dust. I really don't feel like there is any point or any hope. His love for me is gone, he has told me that repeatedly. Every time he comes round my heart breaks a little more.
