Thanks so much for your thought provoking posts. They have been good reading for me, making sure that I have dotted every i and crossed every t before I do anything.
I'm finding the place that I am as acceptance.
But let me say for the record that I haven't completely given up the ship. Let me briefly explain.
I took D10 to Tenebrae last night. D7 woke up at 4 am yesterday, so I was beyond fatigued and emotions were in the tank. (Thanks Hud, for being my e-mail PMA.) Tenebrae is a service... the word is Latin for Shadows. There are 7 movements of the "show", each modifying a shadow of Our Lord's path to death. At the end of each movement, the church lights dim, and one of the 7 candles on the altar are extinguished. By the time the last candle is extinguished, the lights in the church are out and the flood is on the crucifix. It's a tear jerker, for sure.
I bawled pretty much the entire way through it. My surrogate mom held on to me closely (with D10 skipping ahead with her H). She seemed worried that I looked like I was falling apart. I WAS a wreck, but it was more along the lines of suffering than fear.
I really think that by this time next year, I will be a divorced mom to 2 little girls. But true to my Catholicism, Christianity and soul, I will remain obedient to God. That is, I will listen closely to what He is trying to tell me and what needs to happen in my M to Mr. Wonderful.
Fourteen years ago, I never imagined myself in the spot I'm in. I'm sure none of us here has. However, there are so many great people here who have blazed this path and given us back our dignity and souls intact. If that is my ultimate path, I hope to learn from each and every one of you who has traveled it before me. It won't be in vain.
Mr. Wonderful came over about an hour ago to pick up D10. I looked closely at his expression toward me, and I shouldn't have been shocked to see such glaring neutrality. If anything, I know we will be friends after this is over. That has to be good for our children.
And as I told D10 last night while watching the last period of the Avs game (do I hear a GO AVS?)... I have so much to be thankful for in regards to being married to her dad. He gave me a life where I was able to learn self esteem. He taught me how to be a better parent. He was far more patient in our M than I ever was. And he gave me the best presents I've ever received: 2 of the greatest kids on the planet.
This path will always be one of blessings. What lies ahead is unknown, but I'll do whatever it takes to have made the past journey worthwhile.
On that note, this thread is about dead. I am really needing a break from the BB, but realized yesterday that I don't want to do that cold turkey. As many of you can guess, I have been really missing Meredith and Pam lately. Their lives have forced them to devote their energy to the priorities that have surfaced.
However, I asked them if they would be interested in sharing a joint thread--and promising to keep things alive between ourselves and you guys. We probably won't devote much time to talking about things at home, but more on the lessons we've learned along the way.
So I give you this link to our new home--we're all roomies now. Now we need 3 guys to do the same thing, and we'll have our own version of BB Friends!
