Seeing less of my old shark image

[Lyrael]

Just a small word from the shack-up queen here...(sorry, I feel like I am shacking up with my H!!!)
Everything you guys are dicussing/mulling over/etc has struck a HUGE chord in me...so you were right there, Pam. Also an interesting point to consider...the people here on the BB made me feel like I had an authentic, warm, and valuable personality to offer...something I hadn't felt with my H in quite a while. I felt like a success as a person! The people here on the BB I was hanging around with (Betsey, Pam, Meredith and others) are all really good at validation and affirmation, and I soak that stuff up like a sponge! But when H came home, he was really scared, and unsure of his feelings for me and our M, and he wasn't in a place to stroke me all the time.

But I forgot that I had a lot more knowledge on how to do this piecing stuff than he did. And with greater knowledge comes greater responsibility. I have been Piecing for a while now, but he really just started!

This post is getting kind of rambly...oh, well. Bottom line for me is: I miss my H incredibly when he isn't around. I love who he is, while at the same time recognizing that there are things he needs to work through, but until he does, I can learn all I can so I am able to view his quirks and foibles with compassion instead of irritation. My H has ADD (and is finally starting to learn all about that), some pretty serious self-esteem issues, and maybe even a touch of depression. The world looks pretty scary to him most of the time! He confessed to me last night that this sitch between me and him is really stressing him out.

Guess what! It isn't stressing me out. I am working very hard to do what Pam described - "just be." For this 24 hours, I still live in the same house I always did; I still sleep in the same king-size bed (surprisingly with my H most of the time). Right now, I am still his wife. I am really trying not to speculate about tomorrow, or any of the days after that. I am focusing still on peeling back each previously hidden layer of myself (like an onion!) and poking around at what's inside. My life is about learning the lessons I am given, and I am damn sure doing my best!

I don't even remember what my point was - this post probably makes very little sense, but oh, well! I guess the point is that I am beginning to know that I will be okay - no matter what bomb is dropped, no matter who walks into my life or out of it...I am building myself as a woman, and if I can say, like Betsey, that I have become something new and even better, I will consider myself a success.
Hugs,
Myrrh

P.S. Mer - I am still working on that e-mail!