I have to confess I wear my frillies out of the house. However I get it you want to be the one she wears her best for.
And this phase will be so tough if you can't detach. Of course insist on NC and openness so you can determine NC.
I don't believe it's possible to bully shame or guilt another into loving you. You can insist on fair treatment and openness.
Your W is in withdrawal from her A and the OM. It would be best if she changed job and perhaps concentrated on her career. It's time to build a schedule of joint activities and build a plan of activity.
Are there trips, holidays or shared activities you can do together?
Are you going out for meals and shared activities?
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I have a good feeling about this situation. As bad as things are there is a high level of functioning going on between you and W- at least it seems that way from reading your posts. I think there is a lot to "work" with.
Her changing jobs would be a huge step forward- is that even a possibility?
Her changing jobs would be a huge step forward- is that even a possibility?
Yes. She says she wants to, but I don't see much movement on her part. In the midst of my excitement about my new job I mentioned that now that I was settled we could focus on her job situation. I tried not to read into the pause - she could be worried about losing contact with the OM, but she's also deathly afraid of change....
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
SciDad, my H says when he gets back from his current job he is looking for a new job. It would be a relief to know he isn't going to accidentally run into ow any more. But changing jobs is kind of a big deal.
SciDad, my H says when he gets back from his current job he is looking for a new job. It would be a relief to know he isn't going to accidentally run into ow any more. But changing jobs is kind of a big deal.
I hear you and I think I need help over-interpreting. Deep Breaths... Need to take deep breaths....
Not much to report from over the weekend. I get glimpses and hints at hope, but they all send me into a tailspin and I start questioning everything. It's tough - the more I see signs of my wife giving up the OM and turning toward me the less I trust her. The result is that I end up having an anxiety attack when she runs an errand for work and does some shopping. Yes it ran long, but it shouldn't matter to me.
Yet it does. It matters so much and I'm struggling to make it stop. I try GALing, spending time with my kids. But I think I want to share my positivity with someone (like my Wife) and instead spend lots of time posting on Facebook. Then I wonder if she'll notice. Or if the OM will notice and be jealous.
It's just so exhausting and I wish I didn't continually go down this damn rabbit hole every weekend. At least during the week I can stay distracted, focus on other things. On the weekends my focus is my family, chores (assigned by me) I haven't been able to get to during the week, some GAL (Don't worry I'm not all work). But by the end of the week I wonder if I'm wasting my time doing things at home if my wife just wants to tear our family apart anyway. I know it's not a good thing to think and I know my time spent with my kids is time well spent, but I'm not so sure about working around the house, fixing our cars, making nice dinners.
I'm posting this not to complain or fish for a beating, but to try and slap myself out of this nonsense. I know I'm being an idiot to worry about it, but I'm not sure how to stop. I can usually momentarily shake myself out of it, but this weekend was bad. Real bad. Luckily I had some friends ready and willing to talk me off the ledge, but it scares me how quickly I devolved into a blubbery mass of worry. Hopefully it's just a minor step back and I will continue my slow march of personal progress. Or maybe a sign I need to double down on quiet reflection and introspection, especially on the weekends, so I can remain detached, happy, and calm.
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
SciDad...don't play P.I. The only person it hurts is yourself. Would you stop trying to save your M If you found confirmation something was still going on with OM? Probably not. But you would would give yourself fresh agony to deal with. It isn't worth it.
I concur on the frilly underwear. Most of that stuff isn't terribly comfortable, and the stuff that's comfortable doesn't look good under work clothes. It isn't necessarily anything to be concerned about.
Maybe do a family thing since you have small kids, take the whole family to dinner? Maybe get a fancy "Valentine's " dessert- let the kids pick it out ?
I gotta tell you that the feelings are going to be there. You are going to keep questioning, wondering, wanting to inspect, etc. You're internal reactions are the norm for LBS's. However, don't let it stop you from doing what you need to do. If you need time away to take a breath, do it. Put on a PMA and announce it as something great you're going to do, and then break down somewhere for a little bit.
OM is out in the open. Your wife seems to be wanting to break from him. Withdrawal happens. My wife, even after beginning the real steps towards reconciliation, made contact with him. It hurt and made me question, but she NEVER saw anything but the calm, cool, confident me. You need to be the steady one that is strong for your family. Give her time and don't put pressure on her. Putting too much pressure is like crushing the little birdie in your palm. The only pressure you should place is on enforcing any boundaries you have put in place.
Fo.2s idea for Valentine's Day is great! You two are in a very fragile state, and trying to recreate previous V-Days is going to do nothing but remind you what is missing. Remove the focus from you and W and make it a family event about the kids.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
You are doing great, ya know.