Cali, The threats of divorce or even stating "I'm thinking of moving out" are control factors. When they sense that we are getting too close or think that we are moving forward, etc., they toss those statements out there to reel us back in, thinking that if they do, we'll jump thru hoops.
Long before I came to this forum, I called my xh's bluff on his moving out and he sat on the sofa and cried like a baby, but by that time, I had had enough of his cruel, selfish behavior, not only towards me, but towards my father (who treated him like a son) and his mother. My xh had the option of staying or going, but the guilt really got to him after I had taken all the Christmas decorations down and continue on living my life. His comment to that was "I can't believe you aren't upset w/how things are going". My comment to him was "you are the one w/the problem and are unhappy, you need to decide what you want to do for yourself. It's not my job to make you happy." So, two weeks later, he disappeared while I was at work. For me, it was heartbreaking, but as he moved along the path, he became a very nasty and vindictive individual, a side I had never seen before, and yes, he tore down every bridge there was and there is no repairing them now. Yes, we are civil now, but he's not someone that I would ever look twice at on the street.
TBH, he never thought I'd open that door and say go. I think it shocked him. Would I take such action again? For my sanity, yes, I would.
At some point, you will be the one to decide what happens. Even if you separate/divorce, you can still stand for your marriage...but the question will be several years from now...is she still the one that you want to share your life with?
You've got a lot of stress and tension going on and I do hope it's not affecting you or your son. Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
