New night(s)

[kyrie]

Hi Fo, I think the insult is that you're ok and he's not. The DB coach implied that - and even that he has a *need* (not consciously though) to know that you're ok. You're that lighthouse, you know? He also said if he knew *how* to be happy, he would have done that by now. Seeing you that way shows that it can be done in a bad situation. That's my take anyway. Mine resists the implication (because he kinda knows it) and turns it into: I'm ignoring him, I don't care about how he is, I refuse to help or make any effort. That's where I'm not sure how to respond, if at all. He's relentless ... so it does break you down after a bit.
Here's an example: Last night (for the second night) he asked me to walk with him - we used to walk together a lot. He ranted about his job and a few things but not much spew towards me, and what there was, was somewhat softened.
He ranted about his boss , the Bishop (another favorite target - and they're two of a kind!). He said that he got the impression that he was being groomed by him as his replacement, not to sound too superior about it (his words). So I asked, "What do you think about being the Bishop?"
He exploded that I still didn't get it and he still didn't think he was suitable to the ministry and spew, spew, spew.
I had a long pause and said, "I can see why you wouldn't want to be Bishop. You've also put a lot of work into the Seminary, the Church and the mission in Oregon. What's more, I heard you talking about a plan to write a book (about the Catechism)! I'd love to hear about that."
So he pivoted to talking a little about that and then got quiet.

I think his guilt is bearing down hard (only a guess here). But he also has opposing desires. It has to be a maelstrom within him. All I can do is listen... dunno.
Later we watched a show. He spewed that I still wasn't making any effort to communicate, to do anything... I never know how to respond that that.