Quote: Face it, this guy really doesn't want to be with me. At least for the past few years and right now. If he did, he could have shown a glimpse of that by asking us to go to dinner to celebrate my birthday... that would have been easy to do and I would have jumped at the chance.
I'd be willing to agree to this IF we didn't also have all of the phone calls, the lewd comment at the bowling alley, the compliments on your weight loss. I was SURE that on Valentine's Day my H was going to tell me he loved me. Well, we know that didn't happen. But, a scant 6 weeks later, he did. Did he NOT love me on Valentine's Day? I don't think so. I don't think this is something that just popped up all of the sudden. So, yes, on Valentine's Day he CHOSE to act as if it were any other day. No card, no anything. I don't know why! I don't know why he went for 6 long months without saying he loved me. I may never know. What I am trying to say is this: I could have chosen to believe that since on the "day of love" he didn't acknowledge me, it meant he didn't care for me one bit. Much like you choose to believe this about your b-day. I doubt he even called me on that day. It could have been one of the days he left without saying goodbye, too. But, I accepted it just as I have accepted the good days- the calls, the suggestive remarks, etc. It's all just part of this damn uphill climb. Thank God I didn't let it be the deal breaker, as you know that things are going remarkably well over here.
I know that every sitch is different. I know that you have been at this far longer than I have. BUT, as I told Meredith, we are all STILL discovering things that work. A couple months ago it was Bob Barkering. Progress was good. Was it the ONLY answer to this muddled mess? NO! There isn't one easy fix. I imagine it is like a chemistry potion- finding the right mix of many solutions.
Damn.. I wish I was as clear and articulate as you and Mer. I do struggle with getting my point across...
Anyway, I guess the idea of my original post was that I wondered if all of this affirmation and attention was somehow making it very difficult for Mr. W to "compete." Right now he doesn't offer up a lot of affirmation (or attention), and gravitating towards where you get it is a natural thing. It just got me thinking that maybe he is offering a little more than you realize, but it cannot compare with the grand scale you get here, and by going back home to people that haven't seen you in ages.
I just felt like you were holding out your hands like a scale, weighing how you feel in general. Around other people and talking to BB aquaintences? Hand way up. Around Mr. Wonderful? Other hand down. Can you picture this?
So, I started to wonder- how much of this is perceived, how much reality? Only you know this, and I totally believe in you and your judgement. I just want you to see it from this angle too, o.k?
I am not taking you as "giving up the ship." I think that the baby steps just ain't cutting it. I understand this.
I just wanted the opportunity to say, those steps really are there. Now that they are, why is it not enough? What is the cause of this restlessness?
Betsey, I KNOW you have been hammering away at this for a long time. Only you will know when to stop. I have faith that if you choose this path, it will be done so with a lot of thought (towards many, not just yourself).
I just wanted to remind you that many thoughts as to what "works" have just begun happening. I bet there are many more to come.
So, if I sounded like a downer- I wasn't really. I just wanted to point out that maybe the "payoff" of the BB was hindering the payoff with MR. W.
