Thank you V that made me feel a lot better the way to explained how it's my choice. I will look into other Ls. It would be nice to have some information and actually KNOW what could happen. I live in the states. I will try new people this week. I think it will be smart to know.
I'm a giant ball of emotions. I go from.. WELL even if he keeps saying he wants a divorce because is isnt in love there might be hope to stop being in denial and accept it is over and move on. I don't know what to think. I just keep thinking that he keeps saying he doesn't think he will change his mind that waiting around with hope is killing me and pointless. Emotional day for me.
He told his parents we are getting a divorce and he just wants to be friends. I was hoping if he wasn't committed to telling anyone that he was still debating. I feel like all hope I had just LEFT. He told them he doesnt know when or have a time line because he is in no hurry to divorce me but it is what he wants.
Divorce Busting is for me. 180 is for me. The last resort is for me.
I think I needed to really know he is serious about the divorce to know that I'm doing this for ME. To feel better about MYSELF. To help ME have strength.
I think before even though I said it was for me in my heart I knew it was mostly to get him back and thats why it wasnt working as well as it should.
My H isn't home yet but I'm with you. I feel the same pain. It's devastating, truly. He's said the same to me as well, and I stay home with the kids too. I have to remind myself every day to just take the time I have to get to where I need to be. Working on 180 and GAL for myself is hard too...and some days I believe he may want to work, as soon as I do he says something that says otherwise. Now I get it. We just keep going! I have to move cross country with mine in a few days...to a place with no supoort for me and the kiddo should we D. Use your supports! Stay positive! Right now, I'm taking the time to really consider how much is just too much. I guess time will tell! Hang in there, you can do this!
Things I have did a 180 on Having house clean 24-7 Keeping up with how I look Keeping distance from WAS Not asking questions Losing weight- exercising Being more assertive with kids Being more trusting in people
Things I am going to start 180 on..
***No longer waiting on my WAS hand and foot, he could text me across the house to bring him a sandwich and I would. I still cater to him A LOT..not as much but still 60% as much. So while being polite I can offer him food or drink but he can get it himself.
*** spending time reading, i love to read but never actually get to sit and enjoy a good book.
*** Less details. While I go out he asks me 183727 questions about where I'm going,what I'm doing etc and I usually answer them all but I think its okay to just say I dont know or less details
***doing things I asked my WAS to do with me for years that I WANT to do. LIKE rock wall climbing..kayaking..hiking..I want to go try and do the things I want to go.
*** do things ALONE. he even jokes about me being too needy to do things alone. Go to the mall..go to the movies..go to lunch..BY MYSELF. Be more INDEPENDENT.
***GAL during the week I mostly have the kids 24-7. They go to bed at 7:30pm for being toddlers and it makes it hard for me to GAL those days and he always says why should he worry about me he knows where I am. Home with kids. So start taking kids places with me..the park. To walk. To a friends house. Something.
*** no more mind reading and over analyzing. If he hugs me a certain way or says something a certain way I get all paranoid and disect the whole thing..NO MORE.
GAL GOALS are trying to RECONNECT with my old friends. Try to go out at least 1-2x a week even if its to the park and a friends house.
Thank you roar! You stay positive as well! I feel like my board is my online journal now lol. 180 and GAL is sooo hard! I'm 100% HAPPY spending my days at home with my kids in pajamas just hanging out..so it's hard to be like YEAH! Let me go out tonigbt! Me support right now is just my 1-2 friends and his mom. My family and 90% of my friends all are telling me to file myself and move on..get it over with. Its why I came here..I felt like everyone was pushing me to run away and leave. I wish you the best ❤❤❤ we can do it. Be stronger for our children
My family says the same - my friends too. That he's being horrible, etc. While, a part of me (my "taker") agrees another part of me (my "giver") knows that he must be hurting to be in the place he's in. I imagine he's conflicted, confused...etc. He is human after all, despite being the shell of a man I once knew.
I love your 180s, they're inspiring me to write out mine in a little more detail. Self improvement for me is a big thing too. I swear, if there is ever a next man...even if it is the H, they're going to be like...damn.
The H's mom is also a support for me as well, and our relationship has really grown because of it all.
His mom went through the same with his dad..they even filed the papers and never finalized the divorce. She is hoping he is going through the same this his dad did when him and his sister were my kids age. His dad had the sress of kids and wife and high stress job and was miserable. He even cheated and then only AFTER filing and right before it could be final I guess realized it was a mistake. Only problem is my WAS doesnt want to be his DAD.
