When DBing correctly, it is dependent on several factors. The factors to take into consideration are:
1-How the break-up/split was initiated? 2-Living situation 3-Mindset of the WAS 4-Emotional landscape of both parties
I advocate for positive interactions whenever possible because it plants seeds in the WAS' mind that their (LBS) side is waaaay better than the OW/OM/stale hotel room/or whatchamacallit.
It neigh impossible to avoid interactions ALL the time. However, timing and pace are the key. Take for instance NYG's case, her W "kicked" her out and was awful about it. So in that stage, it is critically important that the LBS go dark because you don't want to be a doormat and act like some stupid ass puppy going for seconds, thirds, fourths...to be kicked over and over. How silly is that?! And it does not do anyone's self-respect any favors at all.
The most valuable thing a LBS person can posses throughout DBing is self-respect. That is very difficult for many, many newbies because they operate out of fear. For me, with time and space since I've joined DB, one valuable piece of asset that I have learned is that self-respect is MINE to own. I can tell you right now that if Ms. Wonka were to call me up tomorrow and want to come back to me....I can be certain taht I will lay out the conditions in a 'take it or leave it' talk. Because I respect myself too much to give away my values or try to be 'flexible' just to please the other person.
What an awakening for me...wow.
Back to your question, I think the true answer lies in the timing aspect of it all.
When there's been a long emotional discussion(s) about the R, it very reasonable and loving to pull back and allow the other person to process the information/emotion. The trouble with this that many newbies have is that they are OVERJOYED that there's a R talk and they want more and more so they find ways to instigate more contact be it invitations, strategically crossing paths, etc. Yes, you guessed it. These actions have the opposite effect.
I always say this: which do you prefer...vinegar or honey?
That is DBing in a nutshell.
It requires nuanced awareness along with a deft touch. When the WASses are confused, then it is not the time to do cartwheels. The time to do cartwheels and fireworks is when they are more clear headed and the OW/OM is fading into the background. This is where many are able to DB successfully and then ride off into the sunset which is why you do not see many of them hanging around here to answer to NYG's wail earlier.
Hope this helps. If not, then let me know and I will try to answer in the best way I can.
