WW, My Addiction, Patience, and HOPE Part II

[trumpet]

Georgia,

Thanks for the insightful posts - very much appreciated.

I've got lots to learn on being a great husband.
My father worked in a gravel pit for 25 years, working heavy machinery. Came home dirty every day. Was honest, hard working, but not much of dad who did things with his kids. He did his own thing when he got home, like his father. My mom did almost everything, sans putting wood in the stove, maintaining the house and vehicles.

My FIL did EVERYTHING for his family. The hidden expectation from my W that I do everything - cooking, cleaning, child-rearing, house, working 2 jobs, etc came from a father who is a saint. MIL stayed home with the kids when they were little, but doesn't do dishes, doesn't really cook, but can sure spend the money. The house pukes with chickens and baskets. She's had gastric bypass in her 20's, and put it all back on again. Has had a cane for as long as I know her, and she's only 65 now. Lots of health issues.

So, I can see what a great father looks like, almost to a fault. That's the expectation from my wife - to live up to her father. She has had nothing but contempt for my father - he's crude, worked in a dusty gravel pit, doesn't carry highly intelligent conversations on, is way overweight, etc. She feels like I was turning into my father, and not her father.

Hidden expectations. There are killers of a marriage.

I'm still willing to stick it out - for the kids, and for the hope that I could find happiness with a wife who might not ever forgive me. The forgiveness piece has never been a strong suit for her. We'll see if she can truly change.

I'll continue to work on my weak points:
1.) Being on time
2.) When to listen, and when to fix things
3.) Weight
4.) Letting stress not bleed into the life of my family