Kyh, It's best that you continue to go for counseling on your own. You need a safe place to talk and you honestly can't do that if she's there. It's best to leave this topic alone. When she's ready, she will need to go to individual counseling, but that's a long way down the road.
Now about making threads, i.e., going to om's place of work. Do not make threats unless you are going to implement me. Like children, they will push your buttons and if you don't follow thru, they will not believe a thing you say. Besides, he's really nothing more than a band aid for what ails your wife right now. You are giving him more power than he deserves and you are going to hear a lot of things that you don't want to hear, so please, stop talking about him. He's taking up head space w/o even paying rent. The less you bring him into the picture, the less important he will become.
Now about the religion. There are some that are searching and generally land w/a religion that they think will fit their needs. In some cases, believers become non-believers and vice versa. There are some that will take the religious beliefs and read into them something totally different than what is being taught, i.e., used to fit their particular situation. For now, leave her alone and allow her to work out her religious beliefs on her own.
My advice, keep the focus on you and your children. Your wife is a very lost, but determined and stubborn soul. She needs to have plenty of time and space, so much so, that she chokes on it. You fuel her fire each and every time you have a heated discussion about things. The best way to deal w/her is in a calm manner. Also, if you have apologized for something, then don't apologize again. One apology is enough for anyone.
It's time to start thinking about you, what you can do to alleviate some of that stress. It's time to think about Kyh and your children. Leave your wife in the hands of the man upstairs. You can't reason w/her because she's very emotional and you can't rationalize w/and irrational person because they won't "hear" you.
Leave her to twirl in the wind for a while.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
