7 month rollercoaster ride

[sandi2]

I thought I would respond to some of the questions and points you had.

Should I be as NC as posable or should I still be somewhat open to normal interactions?

The rule of thumb is to respond to contacts about the kids. In the 37 Rules, it says to let your spouse initiate the contacts. I will go a little further and say that when the WW is openly having an A, (flaunting it in front of others) then you really have nothing to discuss during the work hours (apart from something regarding the kids) that could not wait until the evening time at home. Some silly women look for excuses to contact the H, when it is unneccessary. Some men have had to tell their WW to keep it till after he gets home from work. As far as you contacting her just to see how her day is going? Forget it. That's pursuing, and you cannot afford to pursue a WW.

2. She mentioned to her friend (see below) that me not paying for her to move out and get an apartment, that I'm forcing her to file for divorce so she can get money to move out. Is this WW talk?

Yes, it's WW talk, b/c she feels she has to make you look like the bad guy to her friends. It doesn't mean you are..........just that it's her screwy attempt to appear as though she had no other choice.

Quote:
How long are you willing for her to live with you and openly conduct an A? Just wondering, b/c if she and the OM should break up, I think she'll move on to OM#2, or girls gone wild. So, you may need to think about this carefully.

I am not sure, i've been asked this question by several people including my MIL.
What do I do?
Do I kick her out? I've already told her she should get a job ASAP and move out. Do I file for divorce? Should I tell her that I will not tolerate her continuing the A and communicating with him while living in my/our house? How do I enforce that? What are my options? This is all so foreign to me.

What does your belief system tell you? As a man, what do you want to do? What about your personal boundaries and marriage boundry? Are you willing to live in an open M?

You ask a great question about how to enforce it. Many guys have bravely stood before their WW and announce that they would not live in an open marriage. Then the WW continued on as though he had said nothing, and he had no clue as to what to do next. Always know what you are willing to do to stand behind your words.

My recommendation is to always check with a lawyer on legal things, before acting on something that won't hold up. I mean, it sounds real tough for us to tell you to kick her out, but if the law says you can't do that if her name is on the deed..........then it would be worse for her to come back knowing she had you backed into a corner.

I do believe a WW has to have consequences to her bad behavior, or she has no motive to change it. You can't make her do what you want, so you have to be the one to do the action. Make sense? I'm not necessarily talking about who leaves the house, but in smaller areas. You can always tell her she's no longer welcomed to share the same roof with you, but unless her name is nowhere on the deed or mortgage, I don't know much about what to do to get her out. It would be nice to plop a couple thousand dollars in her hand (or ever how much it would take) and tell her to find another place to live. However, I don't go along with financially supporting a WW. The child support.....yes. Spousal support.....no. Not unless the law says you must.