Doing better....Oh wait

[otw]

Well her we go with an update/journal

Picking up where I left off, W dropped kids off in the morning. I had gotten up to cook breakfast for when the kids got there. everything was ready. W came inside a bit more than normal and stood closer to me than normal also. I offered her some food to take with her, she said no thank you. I didnt expect her to take any as she doesnt eat a big breakfast . Kids ran off as usual forgetting to give her a hug goodbye, got them back over and I walked her to the door and looked straight at her and told her to have a great time and smiled at her.
So kids went to school, I got some work done and then picked up S4, headed home to pack for a surprise weekend getaway for us 3. Got it all done then went and picked up D7 from school early.
They were dying to know what we were doing. A friend of mine owns a beach house about 3 hours away from us and it was available. The weekend was supposed to be great so I wanted to go. We live right by the beach, but the house is in a remote area, literally on the beach. The kids were excited, but not about the 3 hour car ride!

We finally got there, the house was unreal. # floors 8 bedrooms, elevator, ping pong, pool table, hot tub, pool...the works.

Kids were running around like maniacs while I settled us in and started cooking dinner. As we were eating S4 started saying his tummy hurt. thought nothing of it as it is his normal not wanting to eat routine. We were getting ready to play a game a little later and he looked at me funny, i grabbed him and ran to the bathroom. Yep, vomit!

we did this about two more times. I felt so bad for him. Finally he fell asleep on the couch. D7 and I played a few games. We head ed to bed, I put a trash can next to bed for him, yep vomit in bed! Had to strip the bed and wash everything, give him a bath.
We finally got to sleep.

the next day he was not vomiting anymore but had a little fever and was sluggish. We relaxed during the morning. Eventually D7 and I went down on the beach. I didnt want to leave S4 alone and the weather was great so I went to see if he wanted to try some fresh air. We all walked and gathered shells and had a good time.
Went back inside for some lunch and S4 fell asleep. Let him sleep for a while and when he woke up I mentioned going to see the lighthouse. I wanted to know if he was ok to go, he said yes but his head hurt.
We stopped and got some medicine then headed over. We had a good time there and bought some souvenirs. Where we were you can actually drive on the beach if you have a 4x4. So we decided to do it!
I apparently did not let enough air out of the tires of my heavy truck and we almost got stuck! I had to do a little digging to get us back out. D7 was very scared that we were going to be stuck there forever!

We wrapped up the night with puzzles and tv and headed home the next day.

So the first night while we were there and S4 got sick, i figured i better let W know. I was conflicted in letting her know since she was away on a trip and hadnt taken the time to check in with the kids. This makes me very mad. Anyway she eventually called and I filled her in and told her I would keep her updated. I let her know through the evening and then eventually told her i will not update anymore unless it was serious and told her to have a good time.

She did call once the next morning to check on him, but then not again the rest of the day until late at night and he was already alseep.
this part of the WW confuses me. Hoe to be so self absorbed to almost seem to forget about her children. This could also just be me thinking too much.

So as we were heading home I got a text from her in the morning asking about S4. This is not normal. She would typically just call to talk to them. I filled her in a bit and then told her I would tell her the rest when she calls them. She text back ok, just checking in at airport and will call soon.

She called and I let her know about slight fever and then when it broke he got a little rash then passed phone back to kids.

So we got back in town and D7 had to go straight to a bday party, that i found out about the day we left, W forgot to tell me!
S4 and I headed home to unpack and get situated. We went and had some dinner then W calls and said she is back and on her way to pick up. We met at home. S4 wanted her to come see the lighthouse statue we bought and showed her our shells. I asked her if she had a good time, and nothing more about the trip. She talked a little and we had a good exchange. As i was helping gt kids in the car the kids were asking the usual questions about how long they were with her, S4 said i dont want mommy living at her house anymore and all of us to live here again. I dont think she heard. D7 made sure she knew when she would be back. I was giving kids kisses and hugs then I looked up and saw her looking at me, so I smiled and said goodbye.

So the interactions between her and myself have been strange, but good. I forgot to mention that the night before we all left I got a text from her around 10pm sending me a link about cakes for S4. We went back and forth as I told her about my experience of ordering the cake already. It was really weird to be communicating with her like that, but nice. I was the one to end it by saying i was exhausted and good night. She replied back "me too, good night".

so with all of the interaction, things just seem different. I am not trying to read into too much, but it makes me feel good. I kind of wish it didnt make me feel either way, because i still did some bad thinking about her on this trip as well, not knowing who she was with etc..

So i am trying to let things go a little dark again until friday when we are all together for S4 bday stuff.

I would be lying if i said i wasnt excited and looking forward to being with her, but I also dont want my rug swept out by thinking anything is more than it is.

That was a long one!