Raliced- Joining the band

[Mozza]

What a pleasure to find an update from you, raliced. Yes, it seems that our cohort belongs more here at the moment. Personally, I felt that my acceptance of the D is just not fitting for the newcomers section.

I'm intrigued and somewhat worried about this partial withdrawal from the world, this lack of connection. I can't really comment on it as it's not something I've experienced, nor read about.

I know a poem that says, translated "love is not for cowards". I think a lot about it these days, as I am dating. What I realized is that love is a game and that everyone is on the field, even those who try to avoid it. Relating to other people is a deep human need, and establishing intimate and exclusive relationships with certain people is part of that. Whether we chose to remain single, to sleep around, to have polygamous relationships or monogamous lifelong marriages, we are playing the game and all of the players' positions have challenges. Most people here had chosen the lifelong monogamous marriage and it brought us joy and then bottomless pain for a while. Some people choose to remain single and end up feeling the loneliness of it. Sleeping around and short term relationships have their own kinds of risks and challenges. What I mean is that by deciding not to date (very legitimate choice), you don't exit the game of relationships, you switch position. You chose a different set of risks and challenges.

My relationships are getting more serious and I might be looking at someone to whom I want to commit. I've decided that I cannot be guarded all my life IN CASE I might get hurt down the road. There's no way I can avoid pain entirely, and withholding will bring its own kind of hurt. I've no choice but to jump in, with as much innocence as I can muster, and enjoy every moment. The difference is that I'm now aware that it might not last forever. Whether than enhances or deprecates the experience remains to be seen.

I'm surprised you're interested in the parenting choices of your XH. I mean, it's normal that you'd be interested in the impact it has on your kids (kudos for making him take D4 with D7), but you seem more puzzled about the impact it has on him, like the little time he spends with them. Maybe you still want to think he's an idiot? You want to be reassured that he's making bad choices, so that would explain the D? In any case, it tells me that you may have a few more steps towards indifference towards him.

Anyway, I'm glad you're here!