Day by Day..Hour by Hour 3

[Zues126]

Letting go of your need to change his mind isn't easy, it's definitely a process. As I said, you will have a lot of imaginary conversations with yourself in which you scream at him. I'm actually glad you said what you said, because otherwise you'd later wish you HAD said it.

But going forward keep the conversations imaginary. Don't engage with any future conversations with him. He knows your boundaries. Until the day comes that he opens the conversation by admitting he was wrong, telling you he's changed, and begging for the chance to back it up, there is nothing to discuss.

One hard part is not needing his validation. You asked why he can't leave it alone? He needs YOUR validation and will keep trying to get you to see things his way. Don't allow your desire to make him see things your way cause you to reengage and rehash this again and again. It interfere's with your healing, and with his journey. Let him be. If you want him to be able to let it be, you have to learn to let it be yourself. It takes time, but you're on the right path.

The other hard part is moving forward without burning bridges. What I mean by that is that you shouldn't wait for him, or hold your breath, and you should move forward...but that doesn't mean you should rebound. Finding another man would just be filling your need for validation from a 3rd party. Once that need wore off you'd probably be in a bad spot and it would lead to more pain. Another guy won't help right now. You have to validate yourself. You never mentioned another man, I'm just attacking it before the temptation arises.

Each day that you move forward, dark from his BS, being the woman you want to be, learning to validate yourself, each of those days is a win. Put a number of them together and you'll be further than you've ever imagined. You can do it. You already are.