SciDad, my H says when he gets back from his current job he is looking for a new job. It would be a relief to know he isn't going to accidentally run into ow any more. But changing jobs is kind of a big deal.
I hear you and I think I need help over-interpreting. Deep Breaths... Need to take deep breaths....
Not much to report from over the weekend. I get glimpses and hints at hope, but they all send me into a tailspin and I start questioning everything. It's tough - the more I see signs of my wife giving up the OM and turning toward me the less I trust her. The result is that I end up having an anxiety attack when she runs an errand for work and does some shopping. Yes it ran long, but it shouldn't matter to me.
Yet it does. It matters so much and I'm struggling to make it stop. I try GALing, spending time with my kids. But I think I want to share my positivity with someone (like my Wife) and instead spend lots of time posting on Facebook. Then I wonder if she'll notice. Or if the OM will notice and be jealous.
It's just so exhausting and I wish I didn't continually go down this damn rabbit hole every weekend. At least during the week I can stay distracted, focus on other things. On the weekends my focus is my family, chores (assigned by me) I haven't been able to get to during the week, some GAL (Don't worry I'm not all work). But by the end of the week I wonder if I'm wasting my time doing things at home if my wife just wants to tear our family apart anyway. I know it's not a good thing to think and I know my time spent with my kids is time well spent, but I'm not so sure about working around the house, fixing our cars, making nice dinners.
I'm posting this not to complain or fish for a beating, but to try and slap myself out of this nonsense. I know I'm being an idiot to worry about it, but I'm not sure how to stop. I can usually momentarily shake myself out of it, but this weekend was bad. Real bad. Luckily I had some friends ready and willing to talk me off the ledge, but it scares me how quickly I devolved into a blubbery mass of worry. Hopefully it's just a minor step back and I will continue my slow march of personal progress. Or maybe a sign I need to double down on quiet reflection and introspection, especially on the weekends, so I can remain detached, happy, and calm.
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
