Mr. Wonderful has always been the epitome of a hard working man. His work ethic was something I always admired. He's not a lazy person by nature, and I'm one of the few women I know who never complained that he didn't help around the house.
But you hit a chord with the passions questions. To my knowledge, he has not lived them. Well, maybe one--his boyhood dream of being an engineer. Which he is living.
We moved from CA to CO because he wanted to have more space and less crowds. He wanted an opportunity to raise a family in a good environment. And he wanted to own a house without being a slave to a mortgage.
I wasn't exactly ready to leave CA--I had only been there 3 years, and had finally made good friends. But I was in love with him and willing to see his side of things. I'm not sorry we moved here either.
He seems to enjoy working with his hands. His line of work does not allow him to show others the fruits of his labor, so he spent our entire marriage working on the house: landscaping our old yard, finishing off the basement (and he was told by professionals that he did a pro quality job), redoing our present kitchen, etc.
He loves fishing and golf as well.
Do you see any pattern to his forms of recreation? They are all solo and not requiring another human if he doesn't want to include one.
If someone were to ask Mr. W. RIGHT NOW what he wants out of life, I think his answer would be 'TO BE LEFT ALONE'.
The passions that I have for myself have been much more strong and family involved. I, too, love remodeling projects. I can't do the work, so I do the design. I have come to enjoy my Scottish heritage and all that entails.
Actually, I really enjoy pursuing his Norwegian roots as well. This means I LOVE to travel.
I love theater--have season tickets here and have since D10 was born. He used to attend with me when the show interested him.
Then there's the foundation. When I started it 5 years ago, more than several people told me to make sure I involved Mr. W. because it would be the tool of resentment.
I did include him, but since it was MY dream it ended up becoming a tool of resentment later on. Now it is not. He's working the tournament fund raiser and enjoying himself with it. And personally, I think he enjoys the accolades that go along with the recognition of doing something for children with special needs.
In essence, he only has that drive because it was something he received via osmosis through me.
My wacky spiritual medium friend told me something interesting about Mr. W. 5 years ago... he said that Mr. Wonderful is content just being. He doesn't need to achieve or fulfill anyone else's expectations. He told me to be careful about making a square peg fit into a round hole.
Back then, I wasn't aware that doing that very thing was what I was doing.
I don't think he's wrong or bad for being different than me. Merrick, I have enough passion for both of us. I play hard, I love intensely, I express myself the way that I'm feeling.
I really suspect he loves me more than he's ever loved anyone else. He just doesn't know how to deal with all that the chore entails. To him, loving me costs him dearly. It forces him to look at things that frighten him. It forces him to think about things that most people don't like thinking about. It forces change.
Well, the truth is that we've got it good. I also suspect that he knows that the reason our life with D7 is as easy going as it possibly could be is because of me. I have always sought to understand why she is here and why she was given to us.
She's a tool to teach everyone unconditional love. I see this in every R I have... from my family members and close friends to those who I meet along the way. You happened to meet her at a time when lying on the floor at Starbucks was all she aspired in life! But for the most part, she engages with people who she instinctively knows need to hear the message.
He has all of the tools available to him right under his nose. But dealing with us is hard work. I know he's tired. Hell, I'm tired too! But you can't just stop the roller coaster of life and expect the whole world to stop too. At some point, you have to crawl back on and continue.
The crazymaker in me used to live for the thrill of the constant rollercoaster. But no longer. I actually seek peace and quiet. My life is as exciting as I need it to be. Every day is a new adventure and a new chance to prove to myself that I can get balanced awfully quickly.
So the big question is does he think that the effort is worthwhile? I strongly suspect fear.
Which brings me to another thing my wacky friend mentioned way back when... he told me that Mr. Wonderful feels that loving me costs him dearly--in the price that he goes along with me because he likes giving me what I need and want and ends up really enjoying himself with me... but at the same time, resents that it is me who is the driving force in our R.
What do you do with this?
Maybe I ought to sneak down to the Pepsi Center and catch Mike Modano in action???
GO AVS!
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
