Don't know what to do anymore...

[Painter]

The argument - believe it or not - was about trying to find a way to talk about things without getting into an argument.

We both did a lot of separate things this weekend. I was disappointed we didn't have more time together, but the time we had, was pretty good. There was some friction at times, but I sense a shift. It started a little while ago, I think H is more committed to the M and the process. It just feels like he has changed some of his behavior (less angry, which was one of my main complaints), and that he bounces back from arguments faster and more solidly, without pulling the plug on our R every time. I think the A might actually be over and he really wants to save the M.

Today, he actually admitted very willingly (in a casual conversation) that one of his behaviors contributes equally to arguments. That is pretty huge - it's all been my fault for a really long time!

Also, he immediately said yes when I asked if he wanted to plan an activity together! That's the first time in years that he has agreed to any suggestion I made for anything.

About the invalidation and validation - I recognize a lot of openly invalidating statements from H - that I 'shouldn't feel that way', 'feel/think too much', 'should let it go', etc. He seems to do it less these days.

On my end, I probably invalidate when I try to find common ground but end up overriding his input. 'We'-statements.