Here again after 9 years and struggling 3

[Irish M]

Hi Inpain (((((HUGS)))))

After reading your story on your relationship, I'm going to refrain from judging your H. All I will say is that he has to grow up and be a man to his W and a better father to his children.

I just want to tell you that you did nothing wrong and you tried every thing you possibly could and more.
You are an amazing woman and mother that so many men would love to have you as a life partner. You have been put through a lot. A lot more than many.

Hopefully your H will come out of this a more mature person. He has a long way to go.

Your criticizing his parental skills and not forgiving his PA's is normal. He did not do his job is reassuring you enough for you to trust him. Your gut feeling always made you feel like he was hiding something. You caught him on several occasions so your gut was right.You need to trust it. And he did not improve his parenting. Don't beat yourself up for his faults.

I also swept the PA affair under the rug 10 years ago. We never dealt with it and it was a thorn in my side. I never truly trusted my W. It made me jealous because i was insecure. Is that my fault. No. W did this .. she needed to rebuild that trust and prove it wouldn't happen again. My gut this time said red flag .. red flag.. guess what. OM and PA big time.

Do I blame myself. no . Do i regret confronting her and it eventually made her run. No.

its all on them, we are not to blame.

You have to not blame yourself for your H. It's all him.
You couldn't of done anything to help him. He didn't want to be helped or improve.

I hope you reread what you just wrote because you blame yourself a lot when you should be looking at H and asking yourself what has H done to fix his issues.

take care
Irish