KGirl - new life, new stuff

[KGirl]

Lots of things to learn, for sure. You know how people say the love you put out is the love you get (or something along those lines)? When I met this guy back in July I was definitely giving off a very cautious, casual, non-committal sort of vibe. I even went so far as to text him at one point saying "I'm still trying to figure out how much to stay in touch vs. not be overwhelming, so if I seem distant I don't mean to." I was scared and kind of kept one foot out the door for the first few months - I was nervous about planning things ahead for more than a few weeks for fear he wouldn't be around. And so I think I attracted someone somewhat distant, non-committal, etc. And then when things changed and I got serious about it... I expected him to change too and I can't expect people to change that much.

Also I think I fell into finding people that were like my ex (because the whole "I don't feel like I can spend my time how I want without feeling guilty" thing came up, once again) and had the same not-so-good things. Blech.

Still lots of grieving and processing to do. When he mentioned the idea of moving in together I started to get even more invested and really thought he might be "it" and clearly that was not what he was thinking (or not consistently thinking, anyway). While I could have chilled out a little more and been less dependent on him, I also think it's a continuum and somewhere out there is someone who feels similarly to me on the "togetherness vs. individualness" scale, where I don't have to lower my expectations and needs to try and keep someone around (at least I hope so because otherwise what the heck am I doing.. may as well give up now).

And dating is part of surviving the big D, right? So I think that conversation could go here