KGirl - letting the past go

[KGirl]

Ah... finding myself back here after a tough week. My relationship of six months ended last weekend. This was my first relationship since D. I knew there were some problems and I went into the conversation wanting to talk about them and figure out how we could address them (because I really did love the guy, I realized) but he decided that some things were "red flags" for him and he "didn't see this working long-term."

I know I can't blame it all on myself - this was his first in-person relationship (he would meet people online through gaming and have long-distance relationships with only one or two in-person meetups) so I think our expectations about time spent together, communication, staying connected, etc. weren't quite in synch, and it was probably somewhat overwhelming for him. He sent a lot of mixed messages - he would talk about inviting me to holidays, or maybe moving in together, but then would say he wasn't sure if he wanted to stay in this same city or not and wanted to "move slowly." Ultimately I don't think we were on the same page of what we wanted and where we were in life. He had just finished his bachelor's degree in May (at age 30) and was just in his first full-time job this fall, and was very focused on spending time building that up.

I noticed I started to fall back into some of the same patterns of being a little too clingy - it started to fall apart when I got more serious about the relationship and started getting frustrated by things like only seeing him twice a week, him disappearing all night with no texts and no idea where he might be until the next day when I'd ask what he was up to.. and then I was told I was prying. So, I guess I have some thinking to do there - I could have probably been more laid-back about it but after 6 months, I also felt like it was time to move forward. I don't think I am being too crazy - just need to find someone that is in synch with what I value. I felt like I did a good job of fairly communicating my wants and needs without attacking. He would tell me he understood and that my needs were important and things would adjust for awhile.. but then he'd go back to the same distant behavior.

So, back to the drawing board I guess. It's been tough. I want him back all of the time right now. But I know from DBing and this board and everything else that the best thing I can do is to let him go, and re-learn being happy on my own. If things change for him and he pulls his sh*t together and wants back in he knows where to find me.... and I know what I would want in order for it to work.