Here again after 9 years and struggling 3

[Irish M]

Hi Inpain

It's not easy becuse you are still attached to the old H. Your H is not that guy right now. Selfish and narcicistic behaviour takes over. He even told you he didn't realize how him being around you all the time affects you. Don't think he cares...He is just pleasing himself.

I know it always sounds like everyone is telling you to move on. We are. But we are not telling you to give up on him or the marriage. It's part of your journey to let him go. He has to feel the consequences of his choice. Right now it's all good.
He sees you and the kids as he wishes. Makes him feel good. You crying only shows him he still has you and he's in control. You need to disconnect in order for him to want to connect. If he doesn't well you at least will be disconnected and if you close the door it will be your choice and it will be easier.

You need to set your boundaries, restrict him from just coming by. Set up a schedual that works best for you and the kids.
You need to become selfish and do what's best for your kids and you. Too bad for him. He left.

I know you can do it. I see your strength.

Also telling him that he can go ahead with the divorce is wrong. Don't give him the idea that it's ok to divorce and you agree. Let him do that on his own. If he brings it up reply it's his divorce and you never wanted it. If he feels you moving on it will affect him. It may or may not get him out of his fog. But it's something you can't pretend to do. It must be you really moving on and GAL.

I think about your sitch a lot. Take control of your life. It [censored] that it's happening, none of us wanted it. I won't let W run my emotions any more. It's her loss and if she wants back she will have to prove it. I just want to be stronger and at a place where I decide what's best for me. I so want you to have that too.

Take care of those kids. GAL and let H feel the consequences. He's cake eating and enjoying it.

Irish