Hi gorgeous :-). I'm so sorry that you feel this way, no one should deserve such pain. I fully understand as you see H everyday and it is a constant reminder of what happened. Don't fight your feelings, just ride them and it will become easier daily.
You are the most important person in Ancaire's world. You matter and your health matters too. You have so many new things to come you way. I'll be there to support you, carry you through whatever needs to be done.
Think about something that makes you smile today and keep it in your mind for today, then find another one for tomorrow and carry on.
Take good care of yourself my dear friend. Hugs from Europe :-)
