Letting go, finally

[JGuy]

This site advises a way to deal with this nightmare we are going through and it works for a lot of people You can cherry pick the parts that make to feel good and are acceptable to you or you can follow the process. One way will possibly work and the other might possibly work but normally a process needs to be followed. No one is asking you to do anything wild or crazy , just follow a process and take advice that may seem counter productive

You're absolutely right that I am choosing my own path. This is because I have a limit to how determined and patient I'm willing to be in the course of saving my M. I'm willing to take the risk that the approach I'm choosing to take may or may not work out.

This process is for people who are determined to save their M, but honestly, I'm just not as determined as some people here are willing to be, at this point. When I step back and take a look at the R as a whole, and given who I am as a person, I have to make a very personal choice about how far I want to go. A big part of me does very much want to save my M, but I am in an ever-evolving process of deciding what my limits are.

Some of those limits I have known from the beginning, such as if my W won't end the EA, then I won't stick around to keep fighting for long. We crossed that threshold at the end of December. I came close to deciding to end it then, but my gut feeling was to give it a bit more time. I hadn't tried fully letting go and giving her space, so I started trying to do that. I needed to know that I had tried everything, and I couldn't say that yet. Two weeks into that, I got the feeling like she was just continuing to avoid and run away from everything. At that time I decided to give it until the end of January and then assess. I was really feeling like I had reached the end of my rope this week, and it seemed very final during our MC session on Wednesday when we agreed to separate. I was ready to do it, but she changed her mind on Thursday and came to me to say she still wasn't sure and wanted one more week to think about it. She is reading more R books now and I noticed that she has started journalling. She may also go to the shamanic healer and that other IC. She seems to be making a genuine effort to work on herself. She seems to be at that point where she is facing the loss and it is motivating her.

My gut says that if I can see that she's willing to make a genuine effort and not stalling or avoiding, that I should continue to be patient. I don't think I can wait much longer without her making the NC commitment, though. I am at the end of my rope with regard to that. If she can go back to NC and transparency to rebuild trust, I think I could be much more patient while we work on ourselves for several more months.

The week ahead will probably be an intense one.