onward - 13

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Hi V.
I am doing alright, I think. I feel like I am just plugging along and being as safe as possible with everything.

My relationship with D15 seems strong to me. When she is with me, we have a great time. She also accepts no as an answer from me when warranted without too much fight. (pretty normal teen stuff).

I hope my trip with them in March will bring us closer. That is how I envision it. Creating new memories of the places that we used to go as a family. I will be visiting W's brother and SIL.

D15 had a choir performance today and both STBXW and I were there separately. She offered me a seat next to her, but it was full of coats, so I sat down behind her. Before they started, I leaned forward and I told her one of my sarcastic witty one-liners about delay. WW laughed out loud. She used to love my sense of humor and I showed her that I still have it.

I helped her carry some of the coats she was holding for the girls, gave them to the girls and we both left without a word toward each other.

I always prepare myself to run into OM & OMW at events at this high school. (It was in their town today). I usually mentally prepare responses to all kinds of scenarios but didn't see them today. Politely introduce myself to her as someone who has some great stories to share and to look me up if she'd like to hear them. Sometimes I feel like I have their fate in my hands and have the ability to destroy their family at any moment. This has been a burden on my mind for almost two years now.

All that aside, I feel as if I am still moving forward, but have so far to go. I still have times of sadness and loneliness when the kids are not with me. I keep myself busy all the time. I have a couple new commissions that will keep the bills payed for the quarter, I have volunteered to run a couple student competition groups at school, S18 and I are designing and building some cool furniture for some past clients of mine (S18 is fabricating and welding the steel for this) and I am teaching D15 to drive.

Sometimes I feel bad for W because she is missing out on our awesomeness.

Thanks for checking in Lady V - good luck with your deadlines

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