Hello-My Situation

[Zues126]

Maybe there IS another women.. He came over at 8 am with donuts from a city over (opposite) of where he is staying. I shouldn't have asked but I said casually ( the address is huge on the box) these are new. We've never been there..its kinda out of the way from our house but they are delicious donuts. He said he didnt spend the night at his parents then went into our room to lay down. I really think there might be someone.

I think its over. He said he was worked he was giving mixed signals and he still 100% wants a divorce and says we are just friends and Thats how he wants to be. That when I get a job we can figure out the divorce. Heis willing to wait 6 months aka until June until we file just to make sure. Hes 100% sure hes never loved me either. I need to really start over. I think I had to much hope I didn't really think I had and was broken all over again today. Where do I start. Back at day 1 detaching? I told him the next time he wants to talk about us its either hand me divorce papers or tell me you are coming home. I had a few tears but didn't cry cry.

Agreed with V on not believing what you hear/see. I would add to that: QUIT TRYING TO MAKE CONCLUSIONS.

You feel awful. You want to stop feeling this way. So your brain is trying to find a way to wrap things up so you don't have to feel this way anymore. Likewise your ultimatum to WAH is for the same purpose. D, R, whatever, just make the pain stop!

Here's the hard facts. There is nothing you can do right now to feel better. If you push your H to say you are getting a D, it won't make you feel better because of closure. You know why? Because D is so painful that even if you are out of the uncertainty of limbo you will mourn the loss of your M for the rest of your life and be in pain for months or years. There is no way out. Moreover, even if he SAYS D, to V's point, it's not like that's suddenly going to be the last time you or he feel conflicted, so it will fail to even provide the little relief you believe you'd get from closure because it's not that easy.

I tell people you can't trust your feelings because they are all over the map, and you can't trust your thoughts because they are just rationalizations of your feelings. You really have to just STFU and be still, breath, let weeks roll by, watch your emotions bounce around like the needle on a scale when you just jump on it. Chill.

The only thing you can trust are your beliefs. Your core values. That is why I'm a proponent of the mission statement. What beliefs do you have that you will follow regardless of your feelings?