I miss him. I miss him so much it hurts. I hate all of this. And he is the one that caused it. Why is it so hard for men (women too I know) to stay faithful. I just don't get it. Look at everything he has done, everything he has put me through, our kids through, how many times he has cancelled on them or just not even asked about them. Look at all the money he has given away. And I stayed faithful to him. Through all of it.
I miss the him that he was before all of this. I miss hugs and being kissed. And laying with him to watch a movie. I miss hanging out with friends and passing each other and grabbing hands for a second. I'm sitting here crying and wishing I didn't miss him.
I want to move on and accept it. I really do. He doesn't deserve my tears. But he gets them anyway. I wish things would have turned out differently.
