2016 a New Year - getting out of my own fog

[AJM]

Irish, on the one hand I feel for you. On the other? I'm happy you no longer have that hanging over your or your daughter's heads.

I read so many sitchs here and I am yet to find one that resembles mine.

I suggest you re-read a few in a few months time. I think you'll see that you are not alone - just in a much rarer part of the club. No joy in that, but perhaps some solace that you are not the first nor only to face similar. I personally know several people that have similar stories.

One difference among them is the extent that MLCr's seem to fight for time with the kids. It's odd how they walk away and then fight to make the other parent look like trash. Then again, it's not that out of character, right? Seems human to me at this point and has a lot to do with identity in my opinion.

It takes time to wrap your noggin around it. Don't fight it. It'll come to you in time.

I will say that in the majority of situations I've seen, the exes later can be friendly again. Even good friends, years later. For most of what I've seen, it seems 5-10 years. A few, never. My guess is that you'll not be on friendly terms with your ex although it would at some point be nice to have. Why? Because I don't think she can face what you represent to her.

If it helps: Why the lies? Identity. Imagine if your identity was as the protagonist in your own story? I doubt your subconscious would like that very much and you would be tempted to create a different "truth" right (I really hope Oprah falls down the stairs for her part in that idea of creating your own "truth" and all the damage that does to people. But I digress....)? MLCr's are human too, even if they seem more dragon like sometimes

To add to what mirage mentioned - to those who go through life based on feelings, life is a tragedy. Those who go through life based on thought, life is a comedy. I'll add to that - Those who balance the two are able to find contentment. Those that are really good at it? They can find contentment in any situation.

I wish you that contentment, Irish. And your daughters. I think when you feel that contentment, you'll truly see the gift you've been given.

Peace,
AJ