2016 a New Year - getting out of my own fog

[peacetoday]

Irish


I like the way you handled it with SusansMOm..very mature and wise

I do think people KNOW the truth underneath all the stories

Im sorry for the added pain for the girls
I remember one night a debt collector knocked on our door at night asking for XH
My D probably 13 or 14 at that time was in tears…I know how hard it is
but everything passes and I chose to always explain to my kids that XH is in crises and sometimes it happens to be people
It is nt their fault and they can pray for him..it seemed to work for us

hope you have a peaceful weekend!

[Irish M]

Papers served ...

I got served today. Read them and laughed.

Everything we detailed in mediation was there.
She is still even giving me full custody. No surprise.No fight at all. She did claim parental alienation though. Guess she doesn't remember the psychologist that I got to work with her and the D's ( she cancelled). The multiple emails of me asking her to work with me on helping fix that relationship( until I figured it's not my job, she broke their trust she can win it back). Her texts to them saying she doesn't want to live with them, she wasted the last 15 years raising them and the best one...doesn't want to be a mom. Finally her refusal for me to bring the D's to mediation. I've done over and above.

I was disappointed that she had them delivered to the house. The D's were present.
They were quite upset. I reassured them that this changes nothing and it was happening anyway. To them it was just a confirmation that W broke all that we had for an OM whom she met 2 weeks after BD.


Me,I was happy. I just saved some $ to my lawyer doing these documents.
I have to add a few things because W forgot to add the $ she owes me. A couple grand. Also she's trying to claim the money I put into a college fund for my D15. What is that. It's in my D's name and W was beneficiary if anything happened. I changed it to D13 after BD. D13 fund was unmentioned.

W emailed them again wrote the same old text. Love you , miss you, hot chocolate... But added: I know I made huge mistakes and I regret them.
No details or specific apology. Both D's said it at the same time... She made mistakes??? Well what is she doing to fix it? Nothing.
Then they said they were done.

I see my lawyer Monday. I will write him an email detailing what happened the last few months since I saw him before mediation started. This will save the chit chat and added fees for sitting in his office. They do like to talk.

One more step to cutting all ties to W.

[job]

Irish,
I'm sorry that it's come to this and also sorry that your daughters were there when you were served. Her empathy chip is completely shattered and gave no thought to how this would affect her daughters.

I'm glad that everything that was discussed in mediation is in the papers. Definitely correct, i.e., add in, those items that which are owed to you and/or your daughters. As to her claiming the money that was put in D15's college account...it's not hers. She would have only gotten it if something happened to your D...she nuts if she thought she would get that money and I'm glad you changed the beneficiary. She can't touch it and believe me, she would have taken it all and run w/it.

She really is a lost one and it's going to take a long time for her to recover, if ever.

Continue as you have been doing. I think you've been doing great and you are a great support to your daughters.

[rd500]

Hi Irish. Just to second Job. You're doing a great job as a dad and your Ds are very lucky to have as their rock. W sounds like a very trouble person and you would have to feel for her

Take care. Rd

[mleigh4]

Irish. I just got caught up. I love the way you handled the chatty mom, perfect to go to her instead of wife. It amazes me how some people just don't think....

I am so sorry about being served, especially with the girls there. I hope you find some peace in knowing you are doing an amazing job with your daughters. I know this must be very painful for you all, please keep taking care of you. Sending prayers for your family.

[mirage]

Irish,

My EXW said the same thing "She was done being a Mom". Our daughter was 11 at the time.

Guess what. She is still not a Mom seven years later. She is a little more present in our daughters life but not much and not our sons lives. There are times they speak the truth and not being a mom anymore was one of those times. Go figure.

It's interesting that when they speak the truth because most everything else is lies but the truth being that they don't want to be a Mom makes you go Huh!

Carry on my friend, you have many adventures left.

Mirage

[Sotto]

Hi Irish, I'm sorry to hear you received D papers. It's not a nice experience, but it sounds as though you are handling things as well as can be expected.

It's weird thing about your W just deciding she didn't want to be a Mum anymore. It's like - umm, it's a little late for that Hun! Of course, my H was just the opposite, decided he desperately wants to be a Dad again (this time full time.)

As others have said, your W clearly has some regrets, but not enough to do anything useful about them. That's very much a theme on this forum I think. It really takes a lot of pain and fear for the MLCer to start making some useful progress. Not a nice place to be for sure.

Take care my friend and do a) what is best for you and yours, and b) act in a way you'll look back on in years to come and have no regrets.

Xx

[Irish M]

I do think people KNOW the truth underneath all the stories

Hi Peace, yes I believe this as well. It still hurts that she has to create all these stories and continue to do it. She is with OM and she is not seeing her kids. Her choice.

She really is a lost one and it's going to take a long time for her to recover, if ever.

I agree Job, I read so many sitchs here and I am yet to find one that resembles mine. She was so manic and now set in her ways,,. with the ups and downs of what seems to be regret bit no action to resolve her relationship with the D's. I know no MLC is the same.. but mine is off the chart. Sure there are similarities of the ILYBDLYU and the obsession of OM.. but dropping her kids like that. Night and day for her character.

You're doing a great job as a dad and your Ds are very lucky to have as their rock. W sounds like a very trouble person and you would have to feel for her

Thanks for ringing in RD. yes troubled soul she is. I do feel for her. W or not. I'm doing my best. Today I was doing their nair poolish then brought them out to get some new bras... I offered to stay in the car and give them money.. they said no no.. i went in and waited by the checkout to just pay the bill. The lady behind the cash found it cute that Daddy was doing this. I gave them their privacy.

We decided not to go see FIL. The girls wanted nothing to do with anybody that reminds them of their Mother.


Leigh4
Thanks for dropping in .. you are going through your own changes to your sitch. Your new place.
congrats on that. Thanks for the prayers they are much welcomed.

There are times they speak the truth and not being a mom anymore was one of those times. Go figure.

Mirage
You are so right.. this is the only thing i believe from her. Sad, very sad.
I hope things change for my W and the D's. 7 months is a long time to lose as a parent of young teens. They grow so fast into young adult. I can't imagine 7 years. The kids will live with this forever and will deal with it as they get older. Yes i know the adventure for me has just started. Funny thing, it feels like only a couple of weeks.

Sotto
They say they become the opposite during the MLC fog journey to lalaland. My W was mum of the year for many years.. in her own way( red flags of narcissistic behavior did pop up now and again). She chose to take jobs close by to be available to the D's . now moved miles away. Still says shes there for them on appointment however

Thanks so much for all your support .. you are all amazing people. Being served is good. I need to get this old marriage over and done.

Irish

[bttrfly]

Hi Irish,
I have nothing additional to add but did want to say I also think you are doing exceptionally well with a terrible situation and thank God your daughters have you to count on.

You are an incredible father. Stay strong my friend xoxoxo

[HaWho]

Irish - I am so very sorry. I have been thinking about you and your girls a lot.

I cannot even wrap my head around it all.

You are a rock.